Carlisle gets sick
by THOSE stories
Summary: Carlisle gets sick and Esme gets scared. I feel that this title doesn't really fit because it was only supposed to be a few chapters long so it's more of just a Carlisle/Esme story with a few twists, I guess... *rewrite up now*
1. Chapter 1

**Please R&R, I need it (: I would love to know what you think. I will hopefully post the next chapter soon in Esme POV…  
>Also it's the holidays now and I literally have nothing better to do so I'm open to story suggestions. I like doing sickfics and unusual pairings (but I'll take any suggestions what so ever for any pairingscharacters/storylines)  
>Another thing; the only reason I've joined the covens together for this one is because I like working with a wide range of relationships as it makes for interesting writing.<br>IT WILL GET BETTER AFTER THIS CHAPTER (especially after feedback) (:**

**Tanya POV**

Our two covens had almost become one now, to the point where we lived together, along with Alistair, and we were like one big family. It made the Volturi nervous, but it was fun. It also saved on a lot of travel to see each other. For the moment, we were all staying in Alaska.

"Over slept, did we?" Alistair teased his friend over his shoulder.  
>"Shut up," Carlisle mumbled, rubbing his hand over his face and trying to push his hair out of his eyes. He was obviously still half asleep.<br>"You have to be the weirdest vampire on the face of the planet for needing them, but you're cute with your glasses on," he told him, smiling and teasing again.  
>"Go away," he mumbled again, disappearing into the other room.<br>"Glasses, coffee and sleeping, Carlisle. What is the world coming to?" he laughed.  
>"Can you not?" We could barely hear him.<br>After a few minutes he came back in and sat with us at the table, holding his cup with both hands.  
>It was odd, but he really did look twenty three today, maybe even younger. Vulnerable, I realised. The sleeves of his jumper were too long and covered up to the tips of his fingers and the way he held the cup made me think of a little kid. His hair was slightly messy, straighter than usual, and had fallen tucked under his thickly framed glasses and he was still only semi coherent.<br>"You alright, my friend?" Alistair nudged him.  
>"Yeah, just tired." He tried and failed to stifle a yawn.<br>We continued our conversation but Carlisle didn't join in. He stayed quiet and lent his forehead against his hand, looking as though he was on the verge of going back to sleep again.

"Hey love," Esme came in and kissed the top of his head as she passed. He jumped and glanced up at her. She giggled. "I'm going shopping with Bella, Alice and Rose, okay?"  
>He nodded but didn't appear to comprehend what she had said. He still hadn't touched his drink.<br>"Are you feeling okay?" she asked him gently, standing behind him and hugging him the best she could while he was sitting. She kissed the side of his face.  
>"Yes…"<br>She frowned. "Are you sure? You don't look okay, sweetie."  
>He nodded sleepily and she rubbed her hand up his back.<br>"Do you want me to stay with you? I can stay here," she offered.  
>"…Go…" his speech was slightly slurred.<br>"Carlisle?" she looked worried.  
>"I'm okay." He tried to sound more awake then he was.<br>She sighed but didn't look convinced. "You will call me if you're not well, won't you honey?"  
>"Hmm," he nodded.<br>"Carlisle, where's your phone?" She obviously doubted he was okay. She reached into his pocket and put it in his free hand. "Promise me, love."  
>He nodded again.<br>"Carlisle," she shook his shoulder.  
>"Yes I promise," he mumbled.<br>"Okay, see you later then." She kissed him again but he didn't seem to notice. "I love you."  
>"…Love you too…"<br>She squeezed his shoulder before walking away again.  
>He lent forward to rest the side of his face on the table. Alistair glanced down at him, then up at Garrett who shrugged. They both looked concerned.<br>"Um, Carlisle," Alistair wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer. "What's up with you?"  
>"…Tired," he barely got the words out. Alistair frowned and the two of them exchanged eye contact again.<br>"Bed maybe?" Garrett suggested, more to Alistair than Carlisle.  
>Carlisle shook his head and lent on the table again.<p>

"Carlisle we're going to play baseball tonight, are you-" Emmett stopped talking and did a double take on the whole vulnerable thing. "Never mind, maybe not today…" He wandered off again.  
>Carlisle winced at the sound of his voice and took his first sip of coffee. It seemed to be a real struggle for him to force it down.<br>"A-Alistair…?" he asked quietly.  
>"Yeah?" he cut off mid-speech to Eleazar.<br>"I-I-I-" He started to panic.  
>"Slow down," he told him.<br>"I-I need to be sick but I don't think I can stand up…" His voice shook. I realised that his whole body was trembling.  
>Garrett pulled his cup away as I quickly went to find a bucket.<br>"I think he's going to fall," Alistair told me as I came back. He was holding Carlisle back against the seat. He looked only just conscious. He took the bucket from me and stuck it in front of his friend. "You can hear me, right?" he asked him.  
>Carlisle nodded and tried to say something but the words wouldn't come out. He whimpered and wrapped his arms around his waist.<br>"You okay?" I could see Alistair becoming more and more alarmed and I was partly glad Esme wasn't here because her reaction would have been worse.  
>"...no…" he squeaked. He looked like he was going to cry.<br>"Hey, what's wrong? What are you scared of?" He knelt in front of him.  
>I hadn't really seen this side of Alistair before; it was kind of sweet.<br>"I-I d-don't w-want t-throw up," he whimpered.  
>"Alistair, he has a phobia of being sick," Garrett said quietly.<br>"Oh, um, that explains a few things," he smiled, still appearing calm.  
>Carlisle tensed and put his hand to his mouth, biting his finger nails.<br>Alistair seemed at a loss of what to do now. He looked up at me as if to ask for help.  
>"Okay, come here," I took his place. I had a vague recollection of Sasha doing this to Irina, who was more of a drama queen than anything else but it was the same principal.<br>I took off his glasses and put them on the table, then pulled back his sleeves a bit. "Garrett, can you call Esme please?" I asked slowly.  
>He nodded.<br>"No-" Carlisle started but he winced and then gasped, cutting himself off.  
>"You're okay." I held the bucket level with the top of his legs. There was a thirty second pause before he was sick the first time.<br>"I'm sorry," he mumbled between gasps.  
>"It's okay, Carlisle. You're allowed to get sick."<br>As soon as the words left my mouth he threw up again. It looked like it hurt an incredible amount and even though he didn't want us to call her I could tell he wanted Esme more than anything.

After a while, his eyes became dark again and he stopped bringing anything up. I forced him to let go of the bucket even though he was reluctant and put it on the floor.  
>It was about then that Esme rushed in, hugging him as soon as she got close enough.<br>"My poor Carlisle, I knew I shouldn't have left you," she told him, rubbing his back again. "Sweetie, you should have told me you weren't feeling well," she scolded lightly.  
>He didn't say anything but lent into her, almost asleep again.<br>"Come on, I think you had better go to bed." She helped him to his feet, steadying him when he lost his balance. She took his hand then and led him up the stairs, stopping him from falling every time he stumbled.  
>The rest of us sat in shock, unsure what to do next.<p>

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**Esme next (:**


	2. Chapter 2

"Lie down, sweetie." I led him to the bed. He sat but didn't go any further. I frowned and he let me hug him. "You have quite a high temperature, love. How long have you been sick?" I asked, putting my hand on his forehead. He lent into me so I kept it there.  
>"…A few days maybe…" it seemed to be an effort for him to speak.<br>"And how long is that exactly? Two days? Three?" I tried to draw it out of him. He mumbled something about a week. "Carlisle Cullen," I scolded, horrified. "Why didn't you tell me, honey?"  
>"Because I didn't want you to get worried." He hugged himself again.<br>"Are you in pain?" I crouched in front of him to get him to look at me.  
>"Sort of," he admitted, glancing away.<br>"How bad?" I kissed him, trying to keep my panic hidden from him but he must have known.  
>It was obvious he didn't want to tell me.<br>"Carlisle it's okay," I stroked the side of his face with my thumb. "But you have to tell me so I can help you."  
>He didn't say anything but lent his head against my shoulder. "Bad enough."<br>I smiled. "That's no really an answer, sweetheart."  
>"…is so…" he mumbled. I couldn't help but laugh.<br>"You need to lie down," I told him gently.  
>"You promise you'll stay…?" he asked shyly.<br>"Of course I will; I wouldn't leave you by yourself." I kissed him again before moving away.  
>"Esme," he whimpered.<br>"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere." I touched his hand. He looked like he wanted to cry. My heart melted. "Aww, honey. It's okay love." I sat behind him and pulled him back slowly so he was lying with his head in my lap.  
>He looked far from comfortable. He folded his arm across his stomach and bit his lip. "Promise you won't go?" he asked tiredly.<br>"I promise, sweetie, now go to sleep."  
>After a while he did, but every now and then he would wake up and move slightly, uncomfortable. I played with pieces of his hair, trying to get him to relax. He didn't seem able to. Soon I noticed he was shivering. Within minutes it was somewhat uncontrollable.<br>Anxiety knotted it's self in my stomach. I reached across and pulled a blanket over, covering him with it.

After being asleep for a few hours, he stirred suddenly.  
>"You okay?" I asked, leaning down to kiss his forehead.<br>He nodded and rubbed his hand across his face. I was unconvinced.  
>"Are you sure?" I pressed gently.<br>"Y-yes." He was very quiet.  
>"Carlisle, you can tell me, love." I caught his hand and wound my fingers through his.<br>"…feel weird…" he mumbled.  
>"What kind of weird?" I smiled, kissing the back of our fingers.<br>"…the room won't stop spinning…"  
><em>Dizzy. Vampires don't get dizzy<em>, I thought to myself. "You'll be okay," I told him as someone knocked on the door. I glanced over when it opened.  
>"You guys okay?" Tanya asked cautiously.<br>"I don't know about okay, but surviving," I replied, giving her a tight smile.  
>"Can I do anything? I feel helpless…"<br>"I don't know. Me too. I have no idea what to do."  
>She returned the smile before closing the door again.<br>I noticed that it was starting to get dark outside. "Honey, do you want to get in bed? It might be more comfortable and it's almost bed time."  
>"Okay," he agreed reluctantly, slowly sitting up. I pulled back the covers and helped him up.<br>"Do you want to get changed?"  
>He shook his head and practically collapsed into bed. Within minutes he was asleep again, exhausted.<br>I quickly got changed and got in beside him, trying to squash down my nervous feelings; Carlisle had never been sick like this before.

I glanced at the clock. 1:32am. I realised it was Carlisle's sudden movement had woken me up.  
>"Okay, sweetie?" I asked, reaching across to take his hand. His skin was boiling hot. "Carlisle! Your temperature is way too high." I couldn't stop myself from panicking. I couldn't help but feeling this was dangerous.<br>"I-I'm c-cold E-Esme," he stuttered, trying to stop his teeth from chattering.  
>"No, love, you have a fever. You're incredibly warm." I slid over to him and wrapped my arms around him, trying to cool him down. I pulled the blankets off as well. He whimpered. "What's that matter?" I asked softly.<br>"I'mgoingtobesick," he choked out.  
>"Now?" I asked stupidly.<br>"N-now," he mumbled back, sitting as still as he could with his hand over his mouth. I raced away to find the bucket, returning to hand it to him just in time.  
>"Sit up honey, I don't want you choking." I could feel my eyes wide with fear. He did as I had asked and was sick again immediately afterwards. He rested his forehead against the side of the bucket, supporting it on the tops of his legs. I steadied both it and him when I realised how serve his shaking had become. He threw up a few more times, looking closer to tears ever time it happened. "It's okay." I kissed the top of his head. He stifled a sob. "Aw Carlisle, it's okay." Something else dawned on me, making me want to start shaking myself. "Hey, when was the last time you went hunting?"<br>He held up two fingers, struggling to stop gasping.  
>"Two days?"<br>"Weeks," he choked.  
>I took a deep breath, trying and failing to appear calm. "Then how are you still being sick? It shouldn't have happened once."<br>He shrugged, telling me he didn't know.  
>"Carlisle, you need to go a doctor. We have to go- um um um to the Volturi maybe? They have a medical centre. Um, plane tickets- we have to get plane tickets to Italy- I need to-" I could feel the tears starting and tried to hold them back.<br>"E-Esme, it's okay." He reached over and squeezed my hand. "I-I'll be okay-"  
>"But you're not okay!" I cried, interrupting him.<br>"M-maybe not, b-but it won't kill me. I-it just sucks, that's all." I think he was going to say more but he was sick again.  
>"See? You're not okay, Carlisle! You need to see a doctor!" I moved over so I could hug him tightly, like it might protect him somehow. "You so warm," I whimpered.<br>"It's okay, love," he told me calmly. I knew it all just an act and that he was terrified and felt horrible but it was stupidly comforting and I couldn't help believing him. He lent forward over the bucket again, gagging but not bringing anything up.  
>"Give me this," I tried to pull it away from him.<br>"Um, i-I don't think t-that's a good idea," he mumbled.  
>"Carlisle, I highly doubt that you can actually <em>be<em> sick anymore," I sighed, wiping my face dry. He looked unconvinced and a bit nervous but let it go. "Come here, sweetie." I lay down again and gently pulled him back so he was lying next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and he lent his head on my shoulder, cuddling into my side. I smiled to myself. "I like it when you're cuddly like this," I told him, kissing the top of his head.  
>"I love that when we tried to eat cereal you eat it with a fork because you don't like the taste of milk," he mumbled tiredly. I could tell he was smiling.<br>"Turns out cereal it disgusting too. Why do you keep bringing that up, anyway?" I giggled. He slid his arm underneath me, pulling himself closer to me.  
>"Because I think it's cute, that's why." His voice was very quiet and I strained to hear him. I realised it was because he was tired.<br>"Go to sleep. I love you, Carlisle."  
>"I love you too."<br>I didn't have to ask twice.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Please remember to review (: it makes me write faster (seriously it really does) and also I like hearing your ideas. You can PM for a sickfic request if you have one that you really want done; it doesn't matter what coupling or whether you have a storyline or not. (I will do them but my Bella/Edward ones are never as good). Will do slash but NEVER sex scenes.**

**Someone suggested a Garrett and Kate version of this (not exactly the same but a sickfic), what do you guys think? I really love those two (: **

**At my guests request, the rest will be done in Esme's POV (:**

It had been three days and Carlisle was still incredibly unwell but he still wouldn't let me take him to the doctors.

"Esme look at this," he called to me, jumping down the stairs too quickly. He stumbled and both Eleazar and Garrett moved to grab him before he fell but he righted himself.  
>"Sweetie, you should be resting. What are you doing up?" I scolded.<br>"I want to show you something." He was smiling and his dark eyes were alive with excitement. He lost his balance again as he got closer to me so I hugged him, holding him upright. I wanted to cry when I felt who light he was.  
>"You're still so warm," I whispered to him, biting back tears. The past few days he seemed to be getting worse, but the only way I could tell he was sick now was that he was paler than usual and I could feel heat through his long sleeves.<br>"That doesn't matter. Watch this." He darted out onto the deck. He moved so quickly I winced, expecting him to fall but he didn't.  
>"What, love? Go back upstairs," I pleaded; he was going to hurt himself.<br>"I'm okay, Esme," he told me, smiling.  
>"He's not sparkling," Garrett murmured. He looked confused.<br>I realised he was right. "Carlisle…" I asked cautiously. "What's going on…?"  
>"I don't know," he replied, studying his hand again. He looked puzzled as well, but happy.<br>The three of us stared at him for a while longer until he shrugged, uncomfortable being the centre of attention.

"Should you not be in bed?" Tanya asked him, coming up onto the deck from the lawn.  
>I waited to see if she would notice.<br>"I'm bored," he admitted with a laugh. I couldn't help but smile; this was the happiest I had seen him since he got sick, almost himself again. It made everything seem less scary.  
>"You're sick, that's where you're supposed to be," she argued light-heartedly.<br>"I'm also not supposed to be sick," he pointed out, stepping out of the sunlight. She rolled her eyes and chuckled. She didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.

He came back inside and wrapped his arms around me. "See? I'm fine."  
>"Carlisle, yesterday you were so dizzy you couldn't walk, remember?" I reminded him.<br>"No, I don't," he laughed and then flinched like it hurt.  
>"You need to go to the Volturi about this, honey. It's not <em>normal<em>."  
>"Nothing about me is normal though."<br>I smiled and kissed him. "I know, that's why I love you, but this is different. This is dangerous."  
>His smile faltered a little bit.<br>"What?" I asked.  
>"N-nothing, just- nothing." It returned and he pulled me closer to him, I think so I couldn't see his expression. I got the feeling he was hiding something from me.<br>"Love?" I pulled back and forced him to look at me.  
>His eyes pleaded with me not ask. I knew the next thing that came out of him mouth would be a lie.<br>"You know something, don't you." It wasn't a question more of a statement.  
>He looked away, starting to say something and then closing his mouth again.<br>I sighed and dropped my arms from around his waist, walking away and sitting next to Eleazar on the couch. I hated doing this to him but hated it more that he wouldn't tell me something that I could possible use to help him.  
>"Esme…" he started. He looked like I had punched him. I sat on my hands to stop myself from reaching toward him.<br>"Carlisle," I answered as coldly as I could muster. I hoped he would give in so I didn't have to keep this up; it was incredibly difficult, especially because he was sick.  
>"B-but…" Suddenly he was on the floor. Eleazar moved before I did, pulling my husband into a sitting position in case he was sick. Carlisle mumbled something unintelligible but apparently Carmen's husband understood.<br>Garrett looked petrified and I could see him visibly shaking.  
>I only realised I was crying when Alistair put my hand on his shoulder, coming up from behind.<br>Eleazar was frantic now too.  
>"Leave him, don't move him if he doesn't want to be moved," Alistair commanded.<br>Eleazar, hyperventilating and pale, stepped back to beside Garrett who looked close to tears himself.  
>Alistair sighed. "Esme, calm down. He will be fine. He used to faint a lot when he a new-born. Eleazar, that goes for you too. Garrett, you've seen this before and he was fine so don't you dare cry. I can't deal with two of you."<br>"Alistair, I want to get up now," Carlisle told him, attempting to use the same tone his friend was using. He was too quiet to pull it off.  
>"Carlisle, you're staying on the floor," he told him, carrying on his speech.<br>"If he wants to get up, let him up," Garrett told him. He looked like a little kid trying to stop another child being mean.  
>"He will only go straight back down again, won't you my friend?" He looked down at my husband.<br>I couldn't stand it any longer; I rushed to him and sat next to him on the floor, wrapping my arms around him, squeezing him tightly.  
>"Ow, um, honey that hurts," he told me, biting his lip and trying to loosen my grip.<br>I immediately let go of him. "I'm so sorry sweetie!" I cried, sobbing again. I felt so terrible for hurting him, even if it wasn't voluntarily.  
>"It's okay, Esme. I should have told you. It's not your fault," he said quietly, kissing my hair. I settled for holding his hand instead. He smiled shakily. "Also, I think you should have married Garrett, with the reaction you just had." He glanced up and I realised Kate was there too, along with Bella and Edward.<br>"Why?" I asked, puzzled. At the same time I spoke, Garrett wiped his face self-consciously and I realised he was very close to tears as well and probably would have been crying if he was human.  
>"Aww, you're so cute, Garrett," Kate giggled, hugging him. He hid his face in her hair. She rubbed his back.<br>"Can I just say," Alistair started. "When Carlisle broke his ankle, it was Garrett that cried. I don't think Carlisle made any noise what so ever."  
>"Shut up," Garrett mumbled as we all laughed at his expense.<br>"Um, yeah Carlisle did make noise," Tanya interrupted. Carlisle covered his face with his hand. "I'm pretty sure he said the 'f' word rather loudly."  
>"Carlisle Cullen," I laughed, hitting his leg lightly. It felt good to laugh, getting rid of some of the tension. "You didn't tell me you broke yourself either, mister."<br>"I didn't know you then, love," he chuckled. I could see him starting to get tired again even though we were sitting.  
>"You knew the Denalis before I was changed?" I asked, curious. He had never told me that either.<br>"No, I just knew Tanya." He glanced up and smiled at her. An unreasonably strong wave of jealousy washed over me and I shuffled closer to him, squeezing his hand tighter.

We stayed sitting on the floor like that and he lent his head on my shoulder. I played with his wedding ring around his finger, worrying about how loose it seemed now. It wasn't fair; my Carlisle was little to begin with.  
>After a while Emmett and Jasper came in covered in blood; they were never very tidy hunters.<br>Carlisle squirmed. "Can I get up now please?" he asked me, somewhat desperately.  
>"Okay sweetie," I let go of him and started to stand to help him up but he bolted the minute I was no longer touching him.<p>

"Are you okay?" I asked frantically.  
>"I think so," he mumbled. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his hand resting on his stomach.<br>I went to him and kissed him. He sighed and lent into me so I put my arms around him again.  
>"Are you feeling sick again?"<br>"Mmm."  
>"My poor sweetie." I kissed the top of his head and thought for a moment. "Your hair is straighter than it used to be."<br>He ran his hand through it self-consciously. "Maybe…"  
>"Are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep for a while?" I was hoping he would say yes so I could cuddle him again.<br>"Okay, I guess so…" He went to lie down but I stopped him, pulling him so he partly lying on me as we had been the other night. "Don't you have better things to do? Surely you can't be tired," he asked, smiling a little bit.  
>"No my love, I want nothing more than to stay with you," I told him, kissing the side of his face.<p>

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, my husband was gone and Alice was screaming.

**Please remember to review (: it makes me write faster (seriously it really does) and also I like hearing your ideas. You can PM for a sickfic request if you have one that you really want done; it doesn't matter what coupling or whether you have a storyline or not. (I will do them but my bella/Edward ones are never as good). Will do slash but NEVER sex scenes.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, firstly, sorry that took so long but I had heaps of homework and apparently school is supposed to come first (why?!) and also, all with be revealed in the next chapter (which will take nowhere near that long).**

**Please review and thanks for all the lovely responses I've been getting, they make me so happy (:**

"What happened?!" I asked, rushing downstairs to where the sound had come from. Alice was shaking and crying, hysterical. "Alice what's wrong?!"  
>"He's bleeding!" she shrieked.<br>"Calm down," I stroked the hair out of her face. "Who's bleeding, sweetheart?"  
>She choked on her on sobs. "Carlisle!"<br>I almost tripped over my own feet as I ran to the kitchen.

"Carlisle!" I yelped.  
>"I'm okay, love, it's just a little cut. It'll be fine." He was holding his hand under the running tap. The water ran red.<br>"What happened?!" I hurried to his side. There was blood on the bench, on the floor, Carlisle was covered in it and so was Garrett.  
>Kate's husband was shaking almost as much as Alice was. He was frozen to the spot.<br>"It's my fault," he told me, almost as though he was pleading although I don't know what for.  
>"Garrett, it's okay," Carlisle told him, smiling. He didn't respond. "Breath, Garrett. You're holding your breath."<br>"I'm sorry," he cried. His voice shook almost as much as he did.  
>"It's not your fault. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time; it was nobody's fault."<br>"But I-I-I-"  
>"Stop." Even after all our years of being married I was still surprised at how calm my husband was. "I need you to pick the knife up, okay? Before somebody stands on it."<br>Garrett nodded and slowly removed it from the ground, placing it on the bench.  
>I finally found my voice again. "What did you do?" I asked him, gently pulling his arm out from under the flow so I could see. The gash ran up the side of his hand and about halfway up his forearm. I felt slightly sick and forced myself to swallow.<br>He put it back under the water.  
>Garrett doubled over and gagged into the rubbish bin.<br>"Alistair," Carlisle called out. There was no response. "Dammit. Esme can you help him please?"  
>"No- I'm fine," his friend mumbled.<br>Carlisle met my eyes for a second then glanced at Garrett. I shook my head; I was not leaving him when he was like this.  
>He sighed. "Honey- ugh, fine. Can you please pass me that then?" He gestured to the tea-towel which lay next to the knife. I handed it to him. He started wrapping it around his hand, slowing the bleeding a bit.<br>"Sweetie let me do that," I tried to take it from him so he wouldn't have to move it too much.  
>"No, it's okay for now."<br>I thought he was upset with me until I realised he was just worried about Garrett. He made him sit at the table and used the cloth on the sink to wipe his hands clean. I hadn't realised how much of it Garrett actually had on him. He looked like he was going to be sick.  
>"I'm sorry," he repeated over and over again.<br>"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Alistair was suddenly with us, checking Garrett to try and find the bleeding. "Carlisle what do I do?!"  
>This was the most frantic I had ever seen him.<br>"Calm down, he's fine. It's not his blood," Carlisle told him evenly.  
>Alistair looked at me.<br>"It's mine, Alistair," he told him.  
>"Then sit down! Jesus Carlisle…"<br>He was starting to bleed through the towel.  
>"What did you do?" he asked him.<br>"It was my fault," Garrett whimpered. "I slipped and-and-and-"  
>"It's okay, alright?"<br>"No it's not! I cut you and now you're bleeding and vampires DON'T BLEED CARLISLE! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!"  
>"It's nothing a few stitches won't fix."<br>"But…" he seemed lost as to what to say.  
>"But nothing, if you don't get a grip and go and get changed, Kate is going to freak out."<br>"Okay," he said in a small voice, getting up.  
>"You have to go to a doctor, you can't put stiches in yourself, you need to-" Alistair apparently wasn't done panicking.<br>"Oh my god you two are such drama queens," Carlisle grumbled.  
>"You cant-"<br>"Well then I'll get someone else to do it. It's not a big deal, just, everyone stop freaking out." He must have seen the worry reflected on my face because he smiled at me and laughed. "Seriously, it's not like I'm dying. It's just a cut." He went back to the sink and washed it again.  
>Me and Alistair looked at each other.<br>"Esme are you any good at sewing?" he chuckled. I think he was teasing, but I wasn't sure.  
>"No. NO. I'm not doing that to you. I can't-" I shuddered at the thought of having to hurt him. "I can't do it," I whispered, disappointed in myself.<br>"Never mind, love, it doesn't matter."  
>"I'm not doing it either," Alistair yelped.<br>Carlisle laughed again.  
>He rolled his eyes.<br>"No, me neither!" Edward yelled from the longue, reading Carlisle's thoughts. "No way."  
>"Here, give me your arm," Carmen said, coming in holding some kind of special thread and needle. "Are we doing this with or without pain relief."<br>"Without," he told her surely.  
>"Um, Carlisle, it's going to hurt like hell," she warned.<br>"I know, but if I take it I'll be sick again, so I'd rather not."  
>She looked uncertain and bit her lip. "Okay…"<br>"I'm not watching this," Alistair mumbled, slithering around the corner.  
>"Baby," Carlisle teased. I couldn't help but smiled when he smiled genuinely for what seemed like the first time in forever.<br>"You be quiet," his friend quipped.  
>"And keep still," Carmen pleaded.<p>

I couldn't look as she did it so I put my arms around him the best I could without getting in the way and watched the floor, willing myself not to cry. I felt him become tense every couple of second which must have been as each stitch was put in.  
>"Almost done," she mumbled, concentrating.<br>"You did well, sweetie." I reached up to kiss him but he seemed distant. "Hey," I squeezed his hand. "Carlisle? Are you alright?"  
>There was a few frightening seconds where he didn't respond and I thought he was going to faint again.<br>"Ah, yeah, I'm okay," he smiled but I could see it was fake.  
>"All done," Carmen told him, pulling her hands away and going to stand with Eleazar.<br>"That made me feel sick and I'm five feet away," her husband mumbled. She elbowed his playfully. The air became tense as we all waited to see what Carlisle would do.  
>After a minute or so he snapped out of whatever daze he was in and began wiping the bench clean.<br>"Carlisle, no. I'll do that," I told him, worried he would only hurt himself more. He stopped but didn't seem to realise I needed the cloth. "Sweetie, give me this and go sit down, okay?" I carefully unwound his fingers from around it. "Carlisle…?" I reached up and brushed his hair off his face. I was about to ask him if he really was alright because he looked far from it; he was a lot paler than he had been a few moments before and his eyes were unfocused.  
>"Where's Alice?" he asked suddenly before I had a chance to open my mouth. I almost laughed at the randomness of the question.<br>"I don't know, love. Why?"  
>"She was upset. I upset her…" he looked down at his feet.<br>"Honey, you didn't upset her, she just got scared, that's all. Don't worry about it, okay?" He didn't respond so I kissed him. "Okay?" I repeated, holding his face in my hands.  
>This time he nodded.<br>"I'll deal to this, you um, sort him out," Carmen whispered.  
>I smiled gratefully and slid my fingers through Carlisle's good hand. "Come here, honey."<br>"W-where are we going?" he looked a little bit scared which confused me a lot.  
>"Where do you want to go?" I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer so our noses were touching.<br>He said something but all I could focus on was how cute his stutter was.  
>"What was that?" I asked, straightening the collar of his shirt.<br>"Can we go hunting…?" He fidgeted nervously. I frowned.  
>"Are you sure you can?"<br>"No, not really…"  
>I thought for a moment. "How about we get some donated blood from the hospital? That might be easier." As I said it I knew he wouldn't agree.<br>He shook his head and looked at the floor.  
>I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of him even if it was going to be difficult. "Do you want to try then?" I asked carefully, secretly hoping he would wait another few days. The thought of my Carlisle going too far away from the house frightened me more than it usually did.<br>"I don't know," he mumbled, biting his lip. I could see that he was becoming upset but I didn't know what about.  
>"You okay?" I rubbed the tops of his arms. "What's wrong?"<br>"Nothing, I'm just…confused." He wiped his hand across his face and then pulled at the edge of his bandage.  
>"About what?" I asked gently, stilling his hands. He slid his fingers through mine and squeezed my hand. He was still too warm. I reached up to put my free hand against his forehead but he pulled back before I could touch him.<br>"Everything. I'm cold all the time even though you say I'm too hot, my balance is terrible, whenever someone touches me it hurts and I'm bleeding-" he stopped mid-sentence and glanced up at me. His eyes were wide with either fear or excitement but I could tell which. "Holy shit. I'm bleeding." He sounded shocked, completely blown out of the water by it.  
>I almost laughed. "Sweetie, did it really take that long to sink in?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood a bit. It unnerved me to see Carlisle unsure about something; I wasn't used to it. He protected me.<br>"Esme, to bleed you need to have a heartbeat to pump the blood out, otherwise nothing would happen."  
>I was lost for words as I tried to let that sink in.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

"Your husband had gone mad," Alistair mumbled as he walked past me in the hallway.  
>"Where is he?" I asked frantically.<br>"In the library." He thought for a moment. "And not literally mad by the way, just I-haven't-been-to-sleep-in-a-while mad."  
>I pushed past him and quickly walked down the hallway.<br>"Carlisle what's wrong?!" I yelped from the doorway.  
>He didn't so much as look up. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor surrounded by a great number of open books and pieces of paper.<br>Eleazar was sitting on the table with Renesmee on his lap, both of them watching the chaos.  
>"It doesn't make sense though, why now after so many years?" he got up in a fluid motion and turned to face Eleazar who shrugged.<br>"I have no idea," he muttered, pulling the child loser to him.  
>"Is it even possible? How would we test it?"<br>"I don't know!" Eleazar laughed. "Stop asking me! I'm stupid!"  
>"You're not stupid, Eleazar, you- Hey look." He picked up a few of the bits of paper and aligned them in some sort of order.<br>"What?" both of us asked at the same time.  
>He stared down at it in what seemed to be disbelief, lost for words.<br>_"What?"_ Eleazar asked again.  
>Carlisle ignored him and went to Renesmee. "Do I feel warm to you?" he asked, touching her hands.<br>"Yes," she giggled.  
>He smiled.<br>"I think we might be the same, Renesmee," he chuckled.  
>"So what? You're a human now?" Garrett asked, pushing into the room. "That's ridiculous, right? It can't actually happen?" He looked afraid.<br>"I don't know…Not human I don't think, but partly. Kind of like the little one." He picked her up and she squealed in delight, hugging him.  
>"How human then? Like, are you more immortal, or more human?" Eleazar asked cautiously.<br>He shrugged. "Well, I have a heartbeat, I think. And I'm warm. But I don't know… I guess we'll have to figure that out. Hunting might be interesting."  
>The thought of it made me nervous.<br>As he said it I realised there were to heart beats in the room, one a lot fainter than the other.  
>"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him. I could barely hear myself.<br>"I think so," he smiled, pulling me closer. He gently pressed his lips against mine.  
>"Somebody think of the children! Renesmee, close your eyes!" Eleazar laughed.<br>Carlisle threw a ball of paper at him and then kissed me again. "I love you," he whispered.  
>"We're leaving!" his friend announced, pulling Bella's daughter out of the room. Garrett started laughing but went after them.<br>"I love you too," I whispered back, giggling. "I can feel your heartbeat."  
>He laughed self-consciously and pulled back a bit.<br>I stepped closer again. "It's not a bad thing, love. I like it."  
>I could tell he was still nervous about it.<br>"I guess that kind of explains why you don't sparkle anymore," I tried to distract him. "And why I cant squeeze you anymore without it hurting."  
>"I guess so," he mumbled leaning against me. I guessed the excitement was wearing off. "And why I'm so damn clumsy."<br>I chuckled. "That's just cute. Sweetie, how long has it been since you last slept?" I pushed his hair off his face and he refused to look at me.  
>"…two days…" he mumbled guiltily.<br>I tried to cover my shock. "I think you need to go to bed then." I rubbed the tops of his arms. "You're going to make yourself unwell."  
>He nodded and slowly made his way down the hallway, taking as much time to get there as he could, not really wanting to go. I laughed and followed him.<br>"Procrastinating won't help you, honey," I teased.  
>"I know," he mumbled but didn't move any faster.<br>"Come," I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bedroom, falling back onto the bed and pulling him on top of me. He kissed me, more passionately than last time. I hugged him tighter. He broke the kiss, starting to laugh. "What?" I giggled.  
>He squirmed. "I cant- we cant-…" he tried to pull away from me.<br>"You think I'm going to hurt you?" I asked softly, holding him there and stroking the side of his face with my thumb.  
>"No…I'm scared I'm going to throw up on you…" He burst out laughing again.<br>"Are you still feeling sick?" I made him sit up, forcing him onto the edge of the bed. I knelt in front of him, putting my hand against his forehead.  
>"No, Esme, I'm okay," he caught a piece of hair and tucked it behind my ear. "Just being cautious." He smiled shyly.<br>He lay back and wrapped his arms around my waist so I was lying next to him with my head on his stomach.  
>"Do you remember our first date?" he asked quietly, running his fingers though my hair.<br>"Of course I do," I giggled. "I remember how much you stuttered and how cute it was. And I remember how polite you were and how much your hand shook when I held it. I remember the bit where you said 'I love you' and the kiss that came after it, and the locket you gave me…" I trailed off as I thought about it; our house had been robbed a few years before we moved in with the Denalis and that was one of the things that had been stolen. I held back tears.  
>"Hey, come here." He smiled and kissed the side of my face, shifting to face me. He reached into his pocket. "Hold out your hand."<br>It was the same line he used when he had given me the locket.  
>I did as he asked but didn't take my eyes off his. I felt something cold – metal – drop softly into my hand.<br>I didn't dare glance down at it.  
>He kissed me lightly and closed my fingers over top of it. I ran my fingers over top of it.<br>"Carlisle…where did you…" My eyes stung with tears I couldn't cry.  
>"It's a secret," he whispered, running his hand down my back.<br>With shaking hands I took the key off from around my neck, opening the small heart.  
>The photo was still there; a small black and white picture that Edward had taken of the two of us when we weren't paying attention.<br>I smiled and laughed but it came out more of a sob. "I can't believe you found it…"  
>He didn't say anything but wove his fingers through mine.<br>"Everything will okay, Esme, you know that right? I promise."  
>"Okay," I answered, too willing to believe him. I badly wanted it to be true.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

"Can we try hunting today?" Carlisle asked me. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed, fidgeting with either excitement or nervousness.  
>Anxiety pulsed through me but I knew I couldn't keep him from doing it much longer. His eyes were so dark they were almost black, so dark you couldn't tell their colour. "Okay honey; just give me a minute, okay?"<br>He nodded eagerly. "Okay."

Suddenly he had his arms around me, off the bed and in front of me.  
>I giggled and hugged him back. "And what has gotten into you?" I chuckled, squeezing him gently.<br>He shrugged and kissed me, giggling as well.  
>"Five minutes," I told him.<br>He nodded again and let go, disappearing down the stairs.  
>It made me so unbelievably happy to see him back to his normal self again that I couldn't stop smiling.<p>

"Ready?" I asked him once we were on the edge of the forest.  
>"Sort of," he smiled nervously, his heart beating faster than normal.<br>"You'll be okay, sweetie. I won't let anything happen to you." I slid my fingers through his.  
>"I'm not going to be able to hide when I'm scared now, am I," he chuckled shyly.<br>"Nope. You have no chance," I laughed.  
>"Great," he said sarcastically, taking off and running ahead of me into the trees.<br>I briefly worried that he wouldn't be able move quick enough to catch anything, but within seconds, he had a deer pinned. He went to bite it but stopped.  
>"What?" I asked.<br>"I can't," he mumbled.  
>"Can't what?"<br>He responded by sinking his teeth into it's neck. Only moments later he pulled back, coughing. He put his hand over his mouth.  
>I knelt beside him. "What's wrong? Do you still feel sick?"<br>The deer struggled and I realised it was still alive. He let go of it and it raced off.  
>"Carlisle?"<br>He moved to sit with his arms folded on top of his knees, his head resting on them.  
>"Why'd you let him go?" I asked, moving to hug him again, to bring him what little comfort I was able to offer.<br>"Just go hunting, Esme, I'm going home," he told me, not moving. His voice shook.  
>"You haven't eaten in a long time, love, you must be thirsty."<br>"…I can't do it though," he whimpered, bursting into tears.  
>"Shh, it's okay, honey. What brought all this on?" I rubbed his back and he cuddled into me.<br>"I can't kill that deer…It's never done anything to me and now I'm going to kill it and-" He cut himself off and wiped his face dry.  
>I thought for a moment. There was no way around it, he was going to have to hunt an animal eventually and I assumed the sooner he got it over with the less of a problem it would be for him.<br>"Come on, stand up," I gently pulled him to his feet.  
>"No I-"<br>"Carlisle, I'm not letting you starve yourself for the sake of a deer, okay?"  
>He nodded meekly.<br>I led him after it again.

It took a lot longer to catch it than it did last time, mostly, I think, due to my husband's lack of enthusiasm.  
>"Better?" I asked once he had drained it.<br>"No," he squeaked, pushing away from me and running off.  
>"Carlisle!" I called after him, trying to catch up. It was no use; he was much faster than me.<p>

I returned the house teary eyed and alone.  
>"What happened?" Tanya asked carefully, hugging me.<br>"He ran away," I whimpered.  
>"He'll be back," she assured me.<br>"Yeah, but he was upset…"  
>"He will be fine, Esme, with everything that's happened he's probably just a bit overwhelmed; it's a lot for him to have to take in."<br>I nodded and headed up the stairs, not really wanting to talk to anyone but Carlisle.

It was dark outside, a few hours past midnight. Snow was falling lightly  
>"I-I'm s-sorry," Carlisle whispered from the doorway.<br>"Sweetie where have you- oh my god, Carlisle, your eyes are blue," I gasped, absolutely fascinated by the colour of them.  
>He nodded shakily. "I-I'm s-sorry E-Esme," he repeated.<br>"Don't be sorry, I understand, honey. Come here," I gestured for him to come and sit next to me on the bed so we could watch the weather.  
>He coughed and did as I had asked. His arm brushed against me as he sat.<br>"You're freezing!" I cried, stupidly not thinking that he had been _outside_ a few minutes ago. His temperature was completely gone to the point where he was cold, even for a vampire. His was shivering violently. I wrapped my arms around him but it didn't help much. Pulling him to his feet I took him into the bathroom and turned on the shower, making it as warm as I could but being careful to keep it so it wouldn't burn him.  
>"W-what a-are y-you d-doing?" he asked quietly, almost unable to speak because he was shaking so much.<br>"Trying to get you warm, love." I started undressing him.  
>"C-can I-I j-just g-go t-to b-bed?" he whimpered.<br>"Right after this, okay?"  
>He nodded weakly.<p>

When he came back into our room he was shivering less but just looked completely drained. Immediately he came and sat next to me, cuddling into my side without saying anything.  
>"My poor Carlisle," I murmured, pushing his hair out of his eyes.<br>"…n-not that b-bad," he mumbled sleepily.  
>"You're a bad liar," I told him, kissing the end of his nose.<br>He smiled slightly. After a moment he shifted uncomfortably and I caught myself staring.  
>"Sorry, love, but you are completely adorable," I smiled and ran my hand down the side of his face, still caught on the colour.<br>He blushed and looked away.  
>I giggled. "Do you still want to go to bed?"<br>He gave me a measured look, waited until I rolled my eyes and then nodded.  
>I got under the covers next to him so I could put my arms around him again.<br>"Hey, you guys okay?" Alistair asked, appearing in the doorway.  
>Carlisle shot away from me.<br>Alistair snorted. "Don't worry, I think you two are cute," he chuckled. "But are you okay?"  
>"Yes," Carlisle whispered, heat rushing into his cheeks again.<br>He giggled. "God you're cute sometimes," he mumbled, walking away.  
>"Come back here," I told him, reaching for him. Once he was back in my arms, I relaxed. "I love you, sweetie." I kissed the side of his face but he was already asleep. <p>


	7. Chapter 7

Within the next few days I practically had my normal Carlisle back, aside from him wanting to sleep a bit more due to having a cold. He still was kind of upset about the idea of hunting but I figured we would cross that bridge when we came to it. For now I was just happy that he was happy.

"Hey Esme?" Carlisle called to me as I walked across the snow.  
>"What?" I turned around to face him. "You need to go back inside before you get sick again."<br>"You're not my mother," he teased, jumping off the deck and disrupting the perfectly smooth white surface that was apparently our lawn.  
>I rolled my eyes are turned away again, only to be hit in the back with a ball of snow. I tried to stifle a giggled but couldn't stop the smile. "You want to play dirty, do you Carlisle?" I laughed.<br>"Um…I'm not really sure what you mean by that seeming as the snow is actually quite clean looking to me and if that's a sexual reference you are way over my head so-"  
>I stopped his nervous rambling by throwing one back at him, marvelling at how innocent he actually was. It hit him in the legs.<br>"That was a bad shot," he accused, smiling widely.  
>I picked up another one and tossed it. He retorted by returning fire.<br>In the end it became pretty obvious that the only time I could hit him was when he pitied me and stepped into them.  
>I ran toward him and tackled him into the snow, landing on top of him. As I started to get up again he wound his arms around my waist, holding me closer to him.<br>"Thank you," he whispered softly. I could feel his breath against my neck.  
>"For what?" I asked, pushing his hair off his face.<br>"For everything." He reached up and kissed me. He pulled back too soon so I kissed him again, not quite as gently as he had to me.  
>Suddenly Garrett was beside us, sitting cross-legged. He tapped me on the back.<br>"Oh god, here we go," Carlisle mumbled, trying not to smile.  
>"Sorry to interrupt you two when you are being all romantic and everything, but if somebody doesn't go back inside like a good boy than somebody is going to get sick."<br>"I think he's right, honey," I chuckled. "You're getting cold." I reluctantly got up.  
>"Ugh." He remained lying in the snow for a few seconds without moving.<br>I marvelled at how angelic he looked surrounded by the perfect backdrop and covered in snowflakes. "Come on, sweetie," I encouraged, knowing that I couldn't look at him much longer without wanting to kiss him to the point it was irresistible.  
>He jumped to his feet in one fluid movement and slipped his hand into mine.<br>Garrett pointed at the door, looking sternly at Carlisle.  
>Kate, who was on the deck, burst out laughing. "Honey, you would make a great mother."<br>He rolled his eyes and turned to face her, leaving us to ourselves.  
>Carlisle's lips met mine again. I hadn't realised he was in front of me but now he was <em>right<em> in front of me.  
>"We have to go inside," I whispered to him, knotting my fingers behind his neck.<br>"Or maybe you could just keep me warm," he whispered back, smiling.  
>"I think that could work," I giggled, pushing my tongue between his lips.<br>In response he ran his hands down my back, pulling me closer to him even though there was no space between us.  
>"Do you think they'd miss us if we just, I don't know, ran away for an hour?" he asked. I could tell he was teasing but there was nothing I wanted more.<br>"Not if we moved quickly," I told him, sort of hoping we could. I ran my hand down his face and he caught it and held it there.  
>"Seriously, you two, I'm going to puke," Edward smirked at us.<br>"Maybe we should run," Carlisle chuckled to me, ignoring him.  
>"No, inside," he commanded, using a surprising amount of authority.<br>"It's a shame it's Edward; I'm faster than Garrett," he continued, biting his lip to keep from laughing.  
>"We could do it anyway?" I suggested.<br>"I haven't tried running from him since I changed, maybe I'm faster now." He was teasing Bella's husband now and Edward knew it. Carlisle's eyes were alive with excitement.  
>"You are not," Edward scoffed, laughing. "I would have you in three seconds."<br>"But we'd already have a ten metre head start," he whispered softly so he couldn't hear. His fingers played with a piece of my hair. He thought for a moment and his smile grew more mischievous. "Ready?"  
>"We're really doing this?" I giggled, unable to help myself.<br>"Carlisle Cullen," Edward muttered, reading his thoughts and shaking his head. "That's disgusting."  
>I suddenly wished I could read his mind.<br>Instead of going red like I thought he would he burst out laughing and grabbed my hand, starting to run. "Run Esme run!" he yelled, barely able to speak through his giggles.  
>When I failed to keep up with him, he picked me up and suddenly we were in the top of a tree, grinning like idiots. He held me so I was on his knee with his arms around my waist.<br>"It's like we're in a snow globe," he murmured, looking up as the snowflakes fell. "And somebody shook us."  
>"That's an odd thing to say," I smiled, remembering why I loved him so much.<br>"Too weird?" he asked self-consciously.  
>"Just the right amount of weird," I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck again.<br>He smiled but it was shy and he hid behind his fringe, his face growing warm.  
>I touched his cheek and made him look at me.<br>"I love you," he whispered even though there was no one to hear us.  
>"I love you too," I whispered back. When our lips met he lost his balance and almost slipped off the branch. "Carlisle Cullen, did you just swear?" I giggled, unable to help myself.<br>"Maybe?" he giggled back.  
>I pushed him lightly and immediately regretted it.<br>He laughed nervously when he only just managed to catch us before we fell.  
>"Sorry," I squeaked.<br>He smiled at shook his head. "We could fall; I don't think it would hurt that much, the snow would be soft."  
>I wondered if he was considering it. "Carlisle…" I warned, worried.<br>"Don't worry, I won't do it," he chuckled. He rested his cheek on the top of my head.  
>"Do you think they're going to be mad?" I asked, fiddling with the collar of his shirt.<br>"Why does it matter?" he teased and then sighed. "I missed you."  
>"I haven't gone anywhere," I told him, momentarily distracted by the warmth of him. It was nice, comforting.<br>"No…but I miss being with you. I mean like we used to be when Edward left and we were by ourselves."  
>"Oh." A silence covered us again.<br>"Sometimes I wish we really could run away," he mumbled, more to himself than me.  
>"What did we just do?" I chuckled.<br>"No, really run away. Like far away."  
>"You don't really want that, sweetie," I reminded him softly, knowing he wouldn't like to be away from our family for long.<br>"Hmm," he looked away and I could see longing written all over his face.  
>I squeezed him.<br>He squeezed me back. "Not forever, just for a while," he murmured.  
>"You actually want this?" I asked, surprised.<br>"I don't know, maybe." He glanced at me before looking up again.  
>I read what he really meant; <em>I want to go but i know it would hurt you<em>.


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay its finally up (: Sorry about the weight but we've had so many assignments and exams are soon (omg I'm going to die) and together they ate most of my time BUT ITS FINALLY DONE! YAY!  
>I kind of think this chapter is somewhat awkward but I'd love to know what you think anyway (good or bad) (:<strong>

Carlisle had me worried; he hadn't spoken to anyone much since our little talk. He had been very withdrawn and exceptionally quiet.  
>Apparently I wasn't the only one noticing it.<p>

"Are you okay?" Alistair asked for what seemed like the one millionth time.  
>"Yes," Carlisle told him flatly. He fidgeted and squirmed next to me.<br>"Are you sure?" Rosalie asked a few minutes later.  
>"Nothing's changed in a few minutes, Rosalie," he replied sarcastically. His eyes were darker now, still blue but almost blue-black, a bit like the sky at night time. He folded his legs underneath him, pulling at the loose threads on his jeans.<br>She sighed and took Emmett's hand.  
>Tanya came in from hunting, pulling a face at the tense atmosphere in the longue. "What's happened?...Carlisle, are you alright?"<br>"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" he snapped. "I'm fine, okay? Just. Stop. Asking. It's getting really smothering and I can't take it anymore." He jumped up and tried to run up the stairs but Garrett unwillingly got in the way, not hearing what was happening.  
>"What's wrong-"<br>"Don't say it!" Carlisle yelled at him. Instead of going around him he jumped out the window and disappeared into the forest line.  
>Garrett looked hurt. "What did I do?" he asked, looking at me.<br>I forced a smile. "He's just overwhelmed; you didn't do anything."  
>He bit the inside of his cheek and stared after him.<br>I fought the urge to follow him, forcing myself to remain seated and ignore my concern.

A few hours later he came back a complete mess; his hair was untidy, his clothing askew and coated in odd bits of stick and leaves. His eyes were completely black now, darker than I had ever seen them. He smelt faintly of another vampire but I couldn't put a name to the scent. I noticed he was also covered in scratches and scraps.  
>"Honey what happened to you?" I asked gently, going to him so I could put my arms around his waist.<br>He didn't react the way he usually did; instead he was visibly uncomfortable, trying to pull away from my touch.  
>"Carlisle?" I stroked the side of his face with my thumb.<br>"W-what?" he stammered, glancing down at me.  
>"What's going on?"<br>"N-nothing, I just…fell..?" He sort of smiled but it came out nervous.  
>"Are you hurt?" I pushed his hair off his face to reveal more scrapes.<br>"N-no, not really…just scratched."  
>I wasn't sure whether I believed him or not. Whatever it was, he didn't want to tell me.<br>"How about we go upstairs for a bit, okay sweetie?" I carefully took his hand and coaxed him up the steps.  
>He was more than unwilling, anxiously biting his lip.<br>"Come here, love." I made him sit on the bed but he obviously didn't want to.

"Carlisle what's happening?" I smoothed his hair down and kissed his forehead before crouching in front of him to make him look at me.  
>He looked completely miserable. "Heidi kissed me."<br>"Whose Heidi- wait that doesn't explain why you're hurt." I stood up again so I could sit next to him but when I moved he flinched back, jumping away so I wasn't near him. He looked up at me with what I interpreted as fear. "Shh, it's alright, I'm not mad. Come back here." I spoke quietly and patted the bed next to me.  
>He didn't move but carefully looked me up and down.<br>I sighed and reached toward him.  
>He jerked away from me when I raised my hand.<br>Suddenly it clicked. "Sweetheart I'm not going to hit you, it's okay. I'm not mad, I'm just worried." I couldn't think of any possible reason why he would think I would try to hurt him and it stung that he thought that way.  
>He relaxed a little bit but was still very cautious.<br>I slowly slid over to him and this time he let me. Once I was close enough I hugged him tightly. "Why would you think that? I would never hurt you, love." I kissed the top of his head and he finally caved and lent into me, hugging me back.  
>"I'm sorry," he mumbled against me.<br>"For what? If she kissed you it's not your fault." I rubbed circled into his back. I noticed something else too. "You need to hunt more; you're losing too much weight."  
>"Vampires can't starve themselves to death."<br>"We don't know that," I chided.  
>"Trust me, I tried," he murmured quietly.<br>I frowned. "Why did you think I was going to hurt you?"  
>He silently pleaded with me not to make him tell me. "…Because last time Heidi – volturi Heidi- tried that, Amanda- she- um…" he didn't seem to be able to fine the right words so he wriggled away from me and pulled up the edge of his shirt.<p>

The first thought that ran through my mind was how hadn't I noticed before? The scar ran just under his ribcage and up his side, thick and deep. I was so shocked I couldn't look away or say anything.  
>"Crap…" he ripped it down again, beginning to pace in front of me. He wiped his face and I realised he was on the brink of tears.<br>I stood and stopped him, holding his face in my hands and kissing him as hard as he would let me.  
>"W-what are you doing?" he asked.<br>"Kissing you," I chuckled.  
>"W-why?"<br>"Because I love you." I pressed my lips against his again as if to prove my point.  
>He gave a small smile, but it was sad.<br>"I know you don't want to tell me, but I need to know. What happened today?"  
>He fidgeted again, glancing down then back up at me. "H-Heidi kissed me…"<br>I smiled. "Okay, but forget that. How did you get all scratched up?"  
>"…Felix pushed me..?"<p>

I saw red, ready to tear the other vampire to shreds. He may be bigger than me but he had just hurt my mate.  
>"Esme you can't do anything, okay? It'll just make it worse. Anyway, it wasn't hard; it I wasn't uncoordinated I wouldn't have fallen at all," he pleaded with me. "Please? I-it was just a miss understanding; he thought that me and Heidi were- um…"<br>I unclenched my jaw, forcing myself to calm down but still absolutely fuming.  
>"Promise me Esme," he begged, holding me in one place.<br>I sighed. "Okay, I won't."  
>He still looked worried.<br>"I promise, love."  
>He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around my waist.<br>"Heidi has done this before?" I asked, lightly touching his side.  
>He made a face, suddenly tense again. "Yes…"<br>"But it wasn't her that hurt you?"  
>He shook his head. "A-Amanda." The way he said it made the name sound dirty, like it hurt to say it.<br>"Why?" I realised I had stepped over some kind of line when he shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry, sweetie, I didn't mean to pry. It doesn't matter."  
>"N-no…It's okay, I guess. Amanda was my…girlfriend when I was a new-born and she had this weird ability where she could paralyse people and Heidi hated her so she kissed me one day when Amanda walked in…And she freaked out and, um, she got more, ah, violent than usual and um…cut me…" Toward the end he became extremely nervous, refusing to make eye contact and continuously squirming.<p>

There was a moment why everything made sense; why he was so understanding of what Charles had done to me, why he got nervous when anyone brought up his past or absolutely anything to do with his previous relationships. Between her and his father it was no wonder he hated people touching him.

I squeezed him tightly, not letting go for a good length of time.  
>"I would never hurt you," I told him, my voice going thick with a sudden need to cry.<br>"I know," he smiled, lifting me off my feet and falling back onto the bed so I was on top of him. "I love you."  
>His words rang in my head long after he said them.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay so firstly I can't believe people are actually interested in this after all this time because it started off as this weird idea that I ran with because I was bored (which I suppose is most fanfiction?) and secondly thanks to everyone who is actually reading this, especially Ellie , your support means a lot (:**

The minute the doorbell rang Carlisle began fidgeting, leaning forward a bit so his hair fell over his face.  
>"It's alright, love," I tried to assure him, reaching over and stilling his hands. "And you're hyperventilating, take a few deep breaths." I knotted my fingers in his, rubbing circles into the back of his hand, trying to sooth him at least a little bit. I could feel him trembling, his entire body tense with anticipation.<br>"Carlisle, Siobhan's your friend, she's not going to do anything irrational," Edward whispered, touching his shoulder over the back of the couch.  
>He froze completely when Tanya opened the door and started to greet the other coven. When they came inside he stood awkwardly, ready to bolt.<br>I almost laughed when I saw Alistair block his escape root and Carlisle glare at him. He smiled teasingly at him, raising his eyebrows. "I don't have to be a mind reader to know what you're about to do," he quipped.

While he was distracted Siobhan had moved to stand directly in front of my husband. She hugged him the minute he turned around and I could see the panic on his face.  
>"I've heard you've been sick, are you okay now?" she asked quietly, sounding very worried.<br>His face became guarded.  
>"Yes…" He tried to get away from her, looking over at me for help.<br>"Are you sure?"  
>"Can you let go please?" he begged her. I could see the panic attack before it started.<br>She immediately did what he asked. "What's happening?" she asked again.  
>"N-nothing, just…nothing." He shook his head, looking down.<br>"Liar," Maggie announced, walking over to them.  
>He seemed to want to shrink into himself as she got closer.<br>"Liar, huh?" Siobhan mused, reaching over and pushing his hair off his face.  
>He cautiously glanced up at her.<br>She jumped back about a foot. "And what might be up with you?" Her tone told me he was considered a threat until he provided an explanation. "Human?"  
>"I…um…" He watched her carefully, still trying to escape the room.<br>"Carlisle answer me. I swear to god you had better explain yourself right now because if you're screwing up vampire genetics, Aro is not going to be happy and I don't want anything to do with it," she hissed at him.  
>"You said she wouldn't be irrational and if this isn't irrational then I don't know what is," he accused Edward nervously.<br>Siobhan sighed. "Okay fine. I'm sorry. But I want an explanation."  
>"I don't have an explanation- I have no idea what happened it just did- we found something kind of similar in an old book but it didn't say- It just happened, okay?" He stammered and stuttered his way through the fragmented sentence.<br>"Are you always this nervous?" she asked, teasing.  
>"I- um, ah yes..?"<br>She chuckled. "Yeah? Well it's cute."  
>He immediately went bright red.<br>I giggled and wrapped my arm around him.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Tanya asked him once the other coven had gone home.  
>"Yes it was," he mumbled. He was sitting next to me, hugging his legs and resting his head on top of his knees.<br>"You just don't like being called-"  
>"Do you have to?" he whined.<br>She laughed and rolled her eyes. "And by the way, you look like a little kid sitting like that."  
>He had no come back but he didn't move.<br>After a while I found myself leaning on him a bit, trying to ignore a persistent headache.  
>He slid his arms around me, moving so that I fit against him better.<br>I gladly snuggled into him, letting him pull me closer so I was practically lying on him.  
>He kissed the top of my head and let me rest my head on his shoulder.<p>

I slowly opened my eyes. Even the dim lighting was too bright and made my eyes sting. I squeezed them shut again.  
>Cool fingers gently brushed my hair off my face and I unintentionally lent into their touch, the coldness nice against my hot skin.<br>By now my head was absolutely pounding; I don't think I'd ever had a head ache this bad.  
>"Are you okay, my love?" Carlisle asked, keeping his hand against my cheek.<br>I glanced up at him, only just realising that I was curled up on his lap.  
>He smiled and ran his hand up my back. "Esme?"<br>"Hmm?" I asked tiredly, rubbing my face as trying to wake up a bit. We were sitting on our bed and it was dark outside. "Did I go to sleep?"  
>"Yes," he chuckled, kissing my forehead.<br>"Why didn't you wake me up?" I complained, secretly wishing I was still asleep.  
>"Because I couldn't bring myself to do it," he admitted shyly. "Are you feeling alright?"<br>"My head hurts," I mumbled, cuddling into him again.  
>"Do you want me to get you some pain relief?" He pressed his hand against my forehead.<br>"No…" I tightened my grip around him, not wanting him to go.  
>"Honey I'll come back, I'll only be gone a few minutes and if you need it then-"<br>"I need you more," I murmured against him.  
>He readjusted our position so that one of his hands was free and slid it into his pocket.<br>"What are you doing?"  
>He gave me a calculated look as if he was thinking it might be something he would get in trouble for. "Texting Tanya so I don't have to leave you but I can still make you feel better…"<br>I smiled and pulled myself closer to him, loving him even more if it were possible.

A few minutes later she came in, handed me something which I quickly swallowed and shook her head teasingly at Carlisle.  
>"Thank you," he murmured, glancing down at me.<br>"I hate to admit this and you're going to hate hearing it, but you, Mr, are incredibly sweet," she told him, smiling.  
>I could see him fighting to not blush again but it happened anyway. I giggled, unable to help myself. "At least I'm not the only one that thinks so."<br>She opened her mouth to say something else but closed it again, changing her mind. She wished us goodnight before closing the door behind her.

I thought for a moment. "We could go away, if that's what you really wanted," I suggested quietly.  
>He shifted uncomfortably and pulled at the edges of his long sleeves. "I wouldn't make you do that, love, forget about it. It was just a stupid suggestion in the spur of the moment. It doesn't matter." When he looked away I knew it was quite the opposite.<br>"Carlisle I'm serious."  
>"So am I," he told me quietly, briefly glancing down at me.<br>"But if it's important to you-"  
>"As long as I'm with you I'm happy; it doesn't matter." He kissed me lightly before pulling back. "But right now, you need to go to bed-"<br>"Stop mothering me," I teased, laughing.  
>"You're sick-"<br>"I'll go if you come with me." I slowly got off him, not really wanting to, and crawled up the bed.  
>He watched me without moving, seeming lost in thought.<br>"Well?" I challenged, under the blanket.  
>"Well what?" he asked, dazed when I pulled him out of his daydream.<br>"Are you coming or am I sleeping alone?" I giggled, not really needing to ask.  
>"What do you think?" he chuckled, sliding in and wrapping his arms around me again.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

**So I'm not really happy with this chapter but it's been so long since I updated I thought I had better stick it up anyway, so I apologise.  
>FOUR MORE WEEKS UNTIL THE END OF EXAMS! YAY!<br>Thank you for reading and persevering with me :) **

A few days later the Irish coven were back, Siobhan wanting to apologise for what she considered 'bad' behaviour, not that Carlisle seemed to care at all about it once it was over.

"Are you always this warm now, or are you sick? I mean sick…again…on top of being sick already- are you still sick with whatever the other thing was?" She looked as though she had thoroughly confused herself.  
>He chuckled. "No, I'm fine." He paused for a moment before smiling again. "I mean I might still infect you if that's what you're worried about." He got so close to her that he was practically on her knee.<br>She pushed him away, giggling, and then seemed to think better of it. She pulled him back again and hugged him tightly, pinning his arms.  
>He squirmed at the contact but still looked amused. I knew if it had been anyone else he probably would have had a panic attack but he seemed to trust Siobhan.<br>She let him go, seeming to know when enough was enough.  
>They both straightened their clothes as Liam came in, looking a bit guilty.<br>Liam looked from me to the other two and then shook his head, chuckling to himself but I could tell he wasn't entirely happy. "Are you two love birds coming to play baseball with the rest of us?"

I tried to swallow my anxiety as Carlisle picked up the bat. It had been fun up until this point but now I just worried for him.  
>Once he was standing on the batting plate he kept fidgeting, obviously nervous as well. Nobody was quite sure what would happen if something hit him with force. I wasn't even sure if he could with stand the shock of the ball hitting the bat after a vampire threw it.<br>"If I throw this and accidently hit you, I am going to kill you?" Eleazar asked cautiously, chucking the ball into the air and catching it again.  
>"I don't think so," Carlisle told him after considering it for a moment. His hesitation proved to me he was unsure.<br>"But you don't _know_. I mean I could still hurt you…"  
>"Just throw it. It can't be that bad."<br>Carmen's husband bit his lip before tossing it. The ball missed him by about a meter and would have been too low for him to hit anyway.  
>Aside from that, Carlisle flinched away from it, dropping the bat at his feet. He laughed once he realised what he had done. "Go again," he told him, still giggling.<br>"Do I have to?" Eleazar whined.  
>"Yes."<br>He hesitated and then stopped completely. "I don't want to…"  
>Siobhan jumped up off the grass next to me and jogged over. "Give it here; I've thrown things at Carlisle lots of times."<br>He burst into a whole new round of giggles at some unforeseen joke.  
>She smirked, waiting for him to get a grip.<br>"Okay go," he told her.  
>She threw the ball. It seemed way too hard and I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to look. I heard it connect with the bat and then a few people laugh.<br>"Did I hit it?" Carlisle asked, sounding a bit dazed.  
>"Yes! Run!" she laughed.<br>He stood there for a few seconds before skidding onto the first base, only moments before Alistair touched it with the ball.  
>Alistair swore, pushing him lightly.<br>"You should run faster next time," Carlisle teased him, moving so dirt sprayed up over him.  
>"Yeah? Well maybe you should hit in a straight line," he laughed, returning the gesture.<br>After that the game continued without a hitch, although at the end no one knew who had won.

"You touch that, and it will sting you, idiot," Siobhan warned just after we started to walk back, presumable at Carlisle.  
>"I know."<br>"Don't do it on purpose!" She jumped toward him and slapped his hand away.  
>"Come on, it won't hurt that much," he chuckled.<br>"No Carlisle! You could be allergic or something- just don't or I swear to god I will kill you," she threatened.  
>"So, you won't let me touch the bee <em>in case<em> I die, but if I do touch it and don't die, you're going to kill me?" he teased.  
>"Shut up and behave yourself," she giggled, putting her arm around her waist and pulling him away. The gesture was almost romantic and I caught the look of jealousy Liam shot them. She ignored him anyway although Carlisle kept glancing at him nervously.<br>"I'm just curious-"  
>"Yeah? Well keep your curiosity to yourself." She reached out and messed up his hair.<br>He immediately retaliated by doing the same.  
>"She's bigger than you, Carlisle," Alistair warned, bursting out laughing.<br>"So what? I'm faster than her." He gave her a mocking smile and skittered back a few feet.  
>She giggled, jumping at him when Garrett distracted him. "Really?" she asked, feigning seriousness as she struggled to hold him against the ground. They were both covered in leaves.<br>"Really." He moved so that he was the one holding her down.  
>Their struggle went on for another few minutes until my husband made a break for it, jumping to his feet and starting to run. She quickly flipped herself over and grabbed his leg so he fell again. They were both laughing uncontrolably, making everyone else snicker.<br>"I cant believe you're being owned by a girl, Carlisle," Emmett teased.  
>"Siobhan's less of a girl than I am!" he quipped, twisting so he was free. He was still laughing too hard to get up and run.<br>"I don't even know who that's insulting!" she choked out, almost yelling, rolling over and letting him go.  
>"Neither do I!" he told her at the same volume.<br>"You're such a dork!"  
>"Hey. Which one of us is the one that watches hour and hours of Star-trek-"<br>"That was below that belt-"  
>"<em>AND<em> dragged me all around the stupid Comic con thing that was filled with fat dudes dressed up as game of thrones characters-"  
>"I may have forced you but you enjoyed it!"<br>"Leave me alone; I don't have any more come backs!"  
>They were paralysed with laughter. It was odd; I hadn't really seen this uncontrolled side of Carlisle before.<p>

"He needs to do that more often," Eleazar murmured, nudging me. He smiled as he watched them, obviously amused.  
>"What?" I asked, confused.<br>"Smile."  
>"He smiles all the time," I countered defensively.<br>"No, but I mean genuinely. I don't think I've ever seen him smile and actually mean it before."  
>"Me neither," Kate agreed. "It's always like a nervous reaction or something."<br>I thought about it harder and realised I hadn't noticed it. Did I not pay enough attention to my Carlisle? A sadness filled me. I should have seen it. Had he been upset all this time?  
>Alistair chuckled. "The only time it is genuine is when you're touching him, Esme. Or when he's seen you. Or thinking about you. It's kind of sweet actually."<br>I would have blushed if I could have.  
>He had drawn Carlisle's attention at the mention of my name and glanced up at me. I smiled involuntarily at him and he sheepishly returned the gesture, biting his lip and glancing away.<br>Alistair tutted and shook his head at him, teasing. "I told you."  
>"Shut up," Carlisle mumbled.<br>"Are you staying here with Siobhan or coming home with us?" I asked, guessing he would stay.  
>He jumped up and slid his hand into mine. "Of course I'm coming."<br>"Glad I'm that easy to trade out," Siobhan teased, going to Liam who was now boiling with jealousy.  
>He rolled his eyes at her, ignoring the harsh look her husband gave him.<br>I shivered; I had never really liked Liam but now he seemed sort of sinister, like the kind of person you shield your loved ones from. 


	11. Chapter 11

It was almost lunch time but I hadn't seen Carlisle at all this morning.  
>Worried, I went in search of him.<p>

"Hey." I sat next to him on the bed, resting my head on his shoulder.  
>"Hey," he mumbled, kissing my hair.<br>"What are you doing still up here?" I questioned after a moment of silence, sliding my arms around his waist and reaching up to kiss his cheek.  
>Immediately I knew I had made a mistake; his face became guarded and he stiffened where he was sitting, but I wasn't sure which of my actions it was.<br>"Um…nothing- just…nothing." He looked away, becoming despondent as he studied the back wall. He shifted his weight so there was more space in between us.  
>"You can tell me, sweetie."<br>"I know." He offered nothing else. After another minute or so he pulled away from me completely, moving to lean against the wall. When I moved to sit next to him he hugged his legs, making it hard for me to lean on him or put my arms around him comfortably.  
>"What's going on, Carlisle?" I pressed, a little hurt by his unusual behaviour.<br>"Nothing, Esme, just leave me alone, okay?" he mumbled, getting up to move away from me.  
>His words stung and a lump formed in my throat. "Can you at least tell me what I did?" I asked shakily. I stifled a sob. He didn't want me anymore?<br>Straight away he had his arms around me, hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean it like that." He sat again and pulled me into his lap, kissing me again and again. "I'm sorry- please don't hate me," he begged, sounding almost in tears.  
>I smiled, instantly happy again. "I could never hate you, Carlisle Cullen. I was just worried I upset you, that's all."<br>"Of course you didn't. You're perfect, as always." He smiled too but I could tell he wasn't entirely happy. "I love you."  
>"I love you too." I cuddled into him, knowing that he'd probably want to move but wanting to make the most of it before he did.<br>He softly swept my hair off my face, running his hand down my back. "Promise me you'll never think I don't love you," he murmured, tightening his grip on me.  
>I giggled. "I promise."<br>He didn't say anything but lent into me so I couldn't see his face.  
>We stayed like that for what seemed like forever, or at least until I couldn't sit still another minute.<br>"Sweetie, I need to get up," I told him, patting his hands to remind him he was still holding me.  
>He let go and dropped his hands into his lap, knotting his fingers together. He seemed lost, confused.<br>"Do you want to come downstairs for a while?" I suggested.  
>He shrugged before shaking his head, looking away again.<br>I frowned; this was very unlike him. "Come on, Carlisle, just for a little bit," I tried to convince him, mostly so I didn't have to let him out of my sight.  
>He watched me unsurely before slowly standing up.<br>I slid my hand into his and led him out of the room.

Over the next few hours I tried to pull him into almost every conversation but he wouldn't say anything, either nodding or shaking his head instead of verbally answering. Apparently I wasn't the only one that noticed it.  
>"You don't speak much, do you, Cullen?" Liam asked meanly.<br>Siobhan glared at him, digging her elbow into his ribs.  
>"What?" he snapped at her.<br>"Leave him alone," she quipped quietly.  
>"But-"<br>"_Enough_," she growled.  
>He sighed and rolled his eyes.<br>She gave me an apologetic smile, her anger at her husband still obvious.  
>Carlisle didn't seem to have noticed or at least didn't care. He stared blankly out the window, fidgeting nervously.<br>I put my arm around his waist, squeezing him a little bit. "Is something wrong, sweetie?" I asked him quietly.  
>He didn't respond, almost like he didn't know I had spoken.<br>"Honey?"  
>When he didn't react again I moved to stand in front of me, holding his face in my hands.<br>"Carlisle." I gently pressed my lips against his.  
>He snapped out of whatever daze he was in. "Y-yeah?" He spoke very, very quietly.<br>I giggled. "You're cute when you're confused."  
>He tried to smile but it faulted and fell.<br>"What?" I pushed his hair off his face. He glanced down at me but quickly looked away again. "Sweetheart what's happening?"  
>He shook his head and stepped back so we weren't touching anymore.<br>I frowned but let him do it.  
>He folded his arms and studied his feet.<br>Both Garrett and Alistair were throwing him anxious glances, picking up something was wrong as well.  
>Eventually he just went back upstairs, to get away from everyone I think.<p>

Over the next few days his bizarre behaviour increased; he barely spoke to anyone, not even to me or Alistair, he refused to hunt, he wouldn't sleep and hardly ever left our room.  
>It scared me to death, mostly because I couldn't figure out what had happened to make him like this and I couldn't make it better because I didn't know what it was.<p>

"What'd you do to your hand, sweetie?" I asked him carefully, trying to sound positive. It was partly because I was genuinely curious but mostly because I wanted to get him talking.  
>He ripped down his sleeve, hiding the bruising and the scratches, and looked up at me. His eyes were wide and frightened, dark from a week of not hunting.<br>"Hey, Carlisle, it's okay, love. It's just a question; you don't have to tell me." I sat next to him on the bed and rubbed his leg.  
>He flinched when I touched him and then jerked away from my touch.<br>"It's okay- honey it's only me…" I reached toward him again but he sort of slid off the bed to get away from me, backing himself into a corner and hyperventilating. "Shh, it's alright. Calm down." I started to approach him again but he looked so afraid I stopped myself and just watched him helplessly.  
>Within minutes he was shaking violently.<br>"Alistair," I called uncertainly.  
>"Yeah?" he appeared a minute later.<br>"Carlisle's freaking out but he won't let me near him…" I wanted to cry again; it hurt so much to see him upset but not being able to help him.  
>Alistair frowned. "What happened, buddy?" he asked softly, trying to come closer to him.<br>Carlisle panicked, glancing around the room for an escape.  
>"No, hey, I'm not going to hurt you?" he told him, looking confused. "It's okay, Carlisle."<br>He dissolved into tears, his whole body trembling.  
>Alistair took the opportunity to grab him, pulling him up and making him sit on the bed.<br>I sat beside him and hugged him tightly, ignoring him when he tried to push me away. Even if he didn't want it I needed to do it.  
>Suddenly Siobhan was there as well. "You're alright. Take some deep breaths, okay? You're going to make yourself dizzy."<br>He struggled to do as she said but couldn't stop hyperventilating.  
>"It's just a panic attack, it'll be gone soon," she assured him, rubbing the tops of his arms.<br>He squirmed as if it was uncomfortable, biting his lip.  
>"Are you hurt, love?" I asked him, pushing his hair off his face.<br>"N-no," he mumbled, wiping his face but failing to keep it dry.  
>I wasn't sure if I believed him or not.<p>

Despite what Siobhan said he was still a complete mess three hours later. Although he had managed to stop the tears and could breathe normally, he sat on the edge of our bed bolt upright. He still trembled and had gone into an almost catatonic state. He didn't move aside from fidgeting with the edge of his sleeves and he wouldn't speak to anyone. He seemed scared of absolutely everybody but he didn't run from us like he did before.  
>Toward midnight Liam came and lent against the doorframe, smirking at his. His expression was harsh, cruel.<br>"What's his problem now?" he sneered.  
>"Go away, Liam, you're not helping," I snapped, beyond angered with him. Somehow I blamed him for Carlisle's current state although I hadn't witnessed him doing anything to him.<br>"Aww, come on. What's wrong? Having a nervous breakdown, are we, Carlisle Cullen?" The way he said my husband's name made it sound like it was filthy.  
>"Get out," I demand, almost yelled but trying to control myself.<br>"Fine, if that's what you really want. But it won't fix him; he's too screwed up for that." He rolled his eyes and disappeared, leaving me to try and figure out what he meant by 'too screwed up'. Carlisle wasn't screwed up. He was completely normal aside from being more human than he used to be.  
>Somehow I didn't think that was what he was referring to.<br>"You know, maybe he has a point," Alistair murmured.  
>I jumped, startled; I hadn't even realised he was there. "What do you mean?" I asked hotly, very defensive over my Carlisle.<br>"I mean, what if he really is sort of having a nervous breakdown, but just to a lesser extent…" He was very quiet, cautious.  
>As much as I wanted to protest, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like he was right. "Oh Carlisle, what happened to you?" I whimpered, knowing he wouldn't answer me. I pulled myself as close to him as I could get but he just sat there numbly, watching the floor. When I kissed him I didn't get a response, no acknowledgement.<br>Alistair was watching us with a puzzled expression and a look of shock on his face.  
>"What?" I asked him.<br>He swallowed hard and stood, coming to stand directly in front of us. When he reached toward Carlisle his hands shook. He slowly pulled back the collar of my husband's shirt, never taking his eyes off his face.  
>I glanced down.<br>Dark bruises wrapped around my husband's neck. Handprints, I realised with horror.  
>I burst into tears; why would anyone want to hurt my Carlisle? Why would they do this? I hugged him tighter as if I could somehow protect him from the things that had already happen.<br>Alistair, on the other hand, snapped. "LIAM!" he screamed. The sound raised goose bumps across my skin; I had never seen him so angry. He stormed down the stairs.

**A little bit longer and a bit more unpredictable than I thought it was going to be but it's DONE!  
>Reviews if you would be so kind (: <strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay so some idiot locked themselves out of their own account for about a week because they were dumb enough to forget the password they use for absolutely everything...  
>Also I think there's a little bit of bad language in this one, you've been warned.<br>**

I stayed with Carlisle for about an hour just listening to Alistair abuse Liam. Most of it seemed verbal but I didn't have any doubt he would have torn off a limb or sink his teeth into him if he got the chance. Eventually I couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't a violent person, but seeing the person who had just hurt my husband in pain didn't sound like such a bad idea. I crept to the top of the stair case and looked down at the scene below me, positioning myself so I could still see Carlisle in case he bolted. Although he couldn't see anything he was defiantly on edge.

Alistair lunged at him, still screaming blue murder, and threw him against the wall.  
>Liam's head ricocheted off it with a satisfying crack.<br>Siobhan just watched with her arms folded while Maggie kept glancing at her as if to confirm what she was seeing. She seemed very reluctant to defend her mate.  
>"You wouldn't actually hit me," Liam smirked confidently.<br>Alistair punched him, absolutely boiling with rage.  
>Siobhan flinched subtly but still didn't stop him.<br>Tanya and Garrett came in from hunting, not hearing the former argument.  
>"<em>Alistair!<em>" she growled, stalking forward. Siobhan held her arm, stopping her.  
>"He deserves it," she told her tightly. "Just…Don't let him kill him." With that she quickly left the room, not being able to watch any longer.<p>

It just seemed to go on and on, slowly becoming more violent. The abuse now flew from both directions, both of them furious.  
>"You don't even know it was me!" Liam screamed, only inches from Alistair's face.<br>"I know god damn well it was you!" he shrieked, his voice ripping through several octaves.  
>"I didn't touch him!" He fisted the collar of Alistair's shirt, effectively holding him above the ground and disabling his attack.<br>He sunk his teeth deep into his hand and seized the opportunity to wriggle from his grasp, dropping to the floor.  
>"Stop," Tanya interrupted, reaching to pull one of them back.<br>She was ignored and they continued to struggle against each other.  
>"STOP." She had everyone else's attention but they didn't seem to realise she had spoken.<br>Alistair bit him every time one of Liam's hands came to close. Now he looked vulnerable rather than mad, having found himself backed into a corner by the stronger man.  
>"Liam get away from him!" Tanya yelped, trying to find a way to catch his attention without getting between them. She wouldn't have stood a chance if he decided to attack her.<br>Garrett growled and crouched but Alistair shook his head at him, discouraging him from springing. "Back off," he hissed at Siobhan's husband, creeping closer.  
>"Emmett," I whispered urgently, trying to get his attention. He needed to stop Garrett before he attacked; he would only get hurt. "Emmett!"<br>He couldn't hear me over the raucous.  
>Liam roared and flung Alistair across the room in one swift blow. He flew through the window, landing hard on the gravel. Liam stalked out after him, clenching his fists.<br>Panic rang in the air but I couldn't figure out why Emmett and Jasper hadn't done anything. Then I realised. They were scared too. I stepped back to watch helplessly out the window as he pummelled him, Alistair curling up to try and shield himself from the blows.  
>He kicked him hard but didn't get any response from the former nomad. To our horror he then crouched, firmly placing his hands on either side of Alistair's head and started to twist.<br>Alistair snarled and struggled against him but he had no hope.

"Get away from him or I swear to god I will cut you." His voice was quiet but laced with venom.  
>I glanced back to the bedroom to make sure I wasn't seeing things but it was real; my husband stood facing Liam holding a butchers knife and a lighter. He was at least half a foot shorter than him and I had no doubt that Liam could crush him easily. He slowly positioned himself so he was in front of Alistair, protecting him.<br>"Carlisle," I pleaded, begging him to move. Part of me knew he wouldn't leave his friend but I prayed like anything he would surrender. I couldn't see him get hurt, not again.  
>Liam glanced up at me and a sick smile slid across his face. He slowly began moving backwards.<br>As soon as he gone back a few feet Carlisle crouched beside Alistair, making him sit up and quickly checking him over.  
>I watched them, sort of fascinated; in all the years we had been married I had never seen Carlisle use any of his medical training. He'd never had to with our family. The only time we ever heard anything about what he did at the hospital was when Charlie came around to visit Bella while we still lived in Forks, and even then it wasn't much; Carlisle would usually distract him before he got too far. I smiled to myself; he looked so relaxed doing it, almost as if it was natural to him. He didn't work now since we had moved house, although I wasn't sure why.<br>I was abruptly pulled out of my thoughts by a looming presence behind me. I spun around to come face to face with Liam. He still wore the same grin and his eyes held a mean glint.

He grabbed me roughly, his fingers squeezing the tops of my arms until they ached under the pressure.  
>Suddenly Liam screamed in pain. He released and clutched his shoulder, growingly and snarling to try and cover the fact he would have been crying had he been human.<br>Carlisle ripped the heated blade out from where he plunged it between his collarbone and shoulder blade before wrapping his arm around my middle, pulling me closer to him and putting more distance between me and Liam. His eyes were completely black.  
>"You're a little braver with a weapon, Cullen," Liam snapped, nursing his wound. He tried to creep close but Carlisle flicked the lighter, threatening him with the flame. "Really?" he scoffed. "A lighter, Carlisle? Is that the best you can do? You cant honestly think that you can do any damage with that, do you?" He raised his hand toward me.<br>In one swift movement his arm was detached from his body, crashing across the hallway. "Touch her again and it will be your head, Liam," Carlisle told him coldly.  
>"You wouldn't-"<br>"Do you want to fucking try it?" he growled, moving as if he was about to spring at him. He brought the tip of the knife down hard against his extended wrist. The blade can't have been hot anymore but it still would have stung. "Back off."  
>Liam's smile faulted and he took a step back, followed by another and another until he was on the other side of the room. He scooped up his arm, holding it against him and watching my husband cautiously.<br>"What did you do?!" Siobhan shrieked, brought in by her mate's cry. She glanced from Carlisle to Liam and back again. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" she screamed at my husband, flying into a fit of rage.  
>"Are goddamn blind?" he asked her bluntly, a sharp edge to his voice. "He would have killed Alistair…and probably Esme." As he said my name he squeezed my hand tighter as if he was still afraid of it happening.<br>"SO YOU RIPPED OFF HIS ARM?!"  
>"…He cut me…" Liam added like a child telling tales.<br>In the spur of the moment her hand whipped out from her side and she slapped Carlisle hard across the face.  
>He looked shocked that she'd hit him and reached up to touch where her hand had met. His expression changed from one of anger to hurt.<br>I knew she saw this but she didn't seem to feel any remorse.  
>"Who else did you piss off?" she asked harshly, yanking back the collar of his shirt.<br>He watched her for a moment. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
>That pulled her up short. "Liam did this?" All the rage was gone from her voice, leaving only shock.<br>He started to say something before closing his mouth again. He shook his head 'no'.  
>She relaxed a little. "You fix him. Now." She pointed to her husband and wore a stern expression.<br>Carlisle gritted his teeth. "I'm not doing that."  
>She sighed angrily. "Look, I know you're not feeling…like yourself at the moment, but that doesn't give you any reason to act like a sadist, Carlisle Cullen. <em>You<em> did that, so _you_ fix it."  
>He shook his head, turning away.<br>"Carlisle!"  
>"I need to help Alistair," he mumbled, pushing past her. Already I could see him withdrawing again.<br>"Cant you just-" she started yelling again but Tanya interrupted.  
>"I think it might be best if your coven goes home now, Siobhan," Tanya told her nervously, struggling to keep her voice light.<br>"I think so too," she muttered tightly. She carefully took Liam's good hand and all but stomped down the stairs before disappearing into the forest line, Maggie trailing behind them.

"Look up," Carlisle instructed Alistair, gently tilting his chin upwards so he was looking at the ceiling. He spoke very quietly, almost shyly. It worried me; he never used to be like this around his friends, especially Alistair.  
>"Okay that hurts," he admitted, squinting into the light. He shifted in the chair he was sitting in before glancing up at my husband who stood in front of him.<br>"What does? Your neck or the brightness?"  
>"Ah, the light…it gives me a headache…"<br>"Are you dizzy?"  
>Alistair gritted his teeth, biting his lip. "A little."<br>Even to me he seemed unsteady.  
>"Just a little?" Carlisle smiled but it faded quickly.<br>"Maybe a lot…" he mumbled uncomfortably. "…And I feel kind of like I'm going to throw up…"  
>"I think you might have concussion," he murmured as he reached up and touched the scratches on the side of his friend's face, the marks where the gravel had dug into his skin.<br>"Concussion?" he asked tiredly.  
>"From hitting your head."<br>"Oh." He offered his a shaky smile.  
>"Now stand up." He slowly helped him to his feet, holding him upright when he swayed slightly.<br>Alistair squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get the room to stop spinning.  
>"It's okay, I won't let you fall," Carlisle assured him.<br>The next hour was spent removing the glass from the window out of poor Alistair. He remained silent the entire time but I could see it was hurting him. I held the bowl, trying not to squirm as Carlisle dug the pieces out of him.

"Are you okay?" my husband asked softly, turning to me after he sent Alistair to bed. He ran his hand down the side of my face before gently touching where Liam had grabbed me.  
>I caught his hand, winding my fingers though his. "I'm perfectly fine, Carlisle," I smiled. "He barely had time to touch me before you stopped him."<br>"But he didn't…um…" he let out a breath I didn't know he was holding, glancing at the floor before back at me. "Charles…he didn't make you remember…"  
>I shook my head, wrapping my arms around his waist. "He hardly did anything at all."<br>He hugged me unexpectedly, closing the space between us. "…You're not scared?"  
>"Carlisle," I pulled back, holding his face in my hands and kissing him lightly. "I'm okay. Stop worrying."<br>He nodded, leaning to kiss me again.  
>"And if you have to worry about something, worry about Alistair."<br>"Alistair is fine."  
>"Well worry about yourself then, okay?" I teased, knowing he still wouldn't believe me no matter how many times I told him I was alright. I wasn't quite sure what he thought happened, but it was obvious a lot more than what actually did.<br>He nodded anyway, starting to smile a little bit.  
>My happiness faded when I glanced down and realised that he was still covered in bruises from before, marks of a different battle. "You've been in the wars a bit lately, haven't you…" I ran my thumb over them but he squirmed, pulling away. I held his hand instead, not ready to let him go yet.<br>"What do you mean?"  
>"Ever since you got sick the first time you're always getting hurt or sick." Even now he wasn't entirely normal. I guess once everything died down again he would return to how he was before but I prayed otherwise. "Maybe I need to wrap you in bubble wrap," I giggled, all the while thinking if I could I probably would; at least then I would know he was safe.<br>"Well, pretty much nothing can happen that hasn't already happened, so I think we'll be okay, Esme."  
>"Always the optimist," I chuckled, teasing him again but desperately wanting it to be true.<br>"I'm serious. Everything will be fine." He kissed me again.  
>I just wished he was right.<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Whatever conversation I had walked in on, they weren't supposed to be having. Garrett and Alistair shot away from each other, both wearing guilty expressions.  
>"What?" I asked them cautiously.<br>They glanced at each other.  
>"Nothing," Garrett said slowly, not making eye contact.<br>"Sure," I answered sarcastically, mimicking the way he had spoken.  
>"Ignore them Esme, they're acting like children," Carlisle told me, shooting the other two a dirty look.<br>I jumped when he spoke, considering that he hadn't done so since yesterday, then giggled before realising that he was genuinely mad at them.  
>They both rolled their eyes.<br>"You remind me of Tweedle dum and Tweedle dee," he continued. "And it's not happening, by the way, so all of you can drop it." He walked out of the room, closing the door not so quietly behind him.  
>"It was Tanya's idea," Alistair called out as if it might fix something.<br>He didn't get a response but Carlisle swore under his breath.  
>"What's happening?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips and trying my best to be intimidating.<br>"Nothing," he told me again, shifting his weight uncomfortably.  
>I sighed and went after Carlisle.<p>

"What's up?" I asked my husband gently, reaching up to straighten the collar of his shirt.  
>"Nothing that you need to worry about." He smiled, although I could see it was fake, and slid his arms around my waist. He spoke very quietly.<br>I sighed; I was getting sick of nobody telling me what was happening lately. I looked at him sceptically, pulling back a little. "Really?"  
>"…They're just…over-reacting…" He looked away like Garrett had but tried to hug me closer again.<br>I reluctantly let him, twisting our fingers together and hugging him back.  
>"I love you, Esme," he murmured, kissing the top of my head.<br>I smiled. "I love you too, honey." I reached up and kissed him properly, pulling myself even closer to him.  
>"And I'll always love you no matter what happens, okay? You'll remember that?" He looked like he was going to cry.<br>"Yes, of course, but Carlisle, what on earth is going on?" I held his face in my hands so he couldn't look away.  
>"I don't know- Liam was right-I just- i-I don't know-"<br>"Is this about Siobhan?" I asked him bluntly, suspicious as soon as he brought up her husband.  
>"No- it has nothing to do with her."<br>"Are you sure?" I prodded gently, watching his face carefully.  
>"Yes I'm sure! She's mad at me yes, but he was going to hurt you! He deserved it."<br>I laughed at how adamant he seemed.  
>He smiled too. "Okay…maybe what I did was slightly uncalled for."<br>"So you'll stick up for me, but you won't stick up for yourself," I teased, gently touching the faint bruises on his hand.  
>"That's different. You're all that's important to me, Esme. He can hurt me if he likes, but if he ever touches you again it will be his head next time-"<br>"Do not behead Siobhan's husband!" I laughed, pushing him playfully although I was touched by the gesture. "I thought you were non-violent, Carlisle Cullen!"  
>He laughed too. "Well, he better not hurt my wife then, had he?"<br>"Carlisle!" I scolded.  
>"I'm kidding, Esme." He stepped forward and kissed me again. "I mean I would probably bite the shit out of him, but he's bigger than me; I can't take his head off."<br>I giggled again when he swore, unable to help myself.  
>"What?" He asked. "Do I amuse you, Esme Platt?"<br>"Watch your language," I quipped.  
>"Or what?" he challenged playfully, wrapping his arms around me again to press his lips against mine.<br>"Or else there's going to be trouble." I kissed the base of his neck and he tightened his grip on me.  
>"You know, if it's the kind of trouble I think it is, the hallway is not the place," Eleazar commented casually from behind us.<br>Carlisle let go out me completely, stepping back and looking a bit embarrassed.  
>"Eleazar," I whined, glaring at his back as he disappeared down the stairs.<br>"Sorry," he laughed.  
>"No you're not," I muttered.<br>Carlisle fidgeted in front of me. "So, um, they want me to see a psychologist," he told me quickly and quietly, almost like he hoped I wouldn't hear him. I tried to figure out why he had just dropped that into the conversation.  
><em>Where the hell did that come from?<em> I thought to myself. I looked at my suddenly nervous husband, taken aback. "You mean…"  
>"Like a shrink. Because I'm screwed up. They think it will help." He shifted uncomfortably, pulling at the edges of his sleeves.<br>"Oh…okay." I failed to mask my surprise, feeling almost as awkward as he looked. It had been years since I felt this way around Carlisle.  
>"Um…T-Tanya thinks I might be depressed and maybe it would help…B-But I don't want to…" He looked away, biting his lip until it bled.<br>I wasn't sure what to say at first. "…I think she might be right, sweetie," I told him slowly.  
>He shook his head. "No-I'm not going-there's nothing wrong with me," he protested, almost fearfully.<br>"Carlisle, what do you mean there's nothing wrong with you? You don't eat, you don't talk, you don't sleep, you have panic attacks- you aren't _coping_ anymore!" I don't know when I started yelling at him but now I was.  
>"I knew you would freak out," he mumbled about halfway through my speech, starting to walk away.<br>"Get back here! Look at me when I'm talking to you!" I growled, annoyed.  
>He froze.<br>"Why don't you talk to me anymore, Carlisle? You never tell me what's going on – I have to drag it out of you and I'm your _wife_! I feel like I don't know you anymore!"  
>"I don't understand what you want me to do…" he mumbled, both of us on the brink of tears.<br>"I can't deal with you randomly coming out with things anymore! You either tell me straight up or don't tell me at all! And you're scared all the time! WHAT ARE YOU BLOODY SCARED OF?! ACT LIKE THE REST OF US AND JUST BE _NORMAL! _I can't take this anymore!"  
>"I'm not normal!" he yelled back at me, more hurt than mad.<br>I gritted my teeth, restraining from lashing out again, and just stood seething.  
>He spun around and bolted out the window, disappearing into the night.<br>"Great, just run away!" I screamed after him. "Like you always do! You can't run from your problems, Carlisle!"  
>If he replied I didn't hear him.<p>

"Ahh…what just happened?" Tanya asked me carefully as I stalked down stairs.  
>"He's going to that damn shrink," I hissed through my teeth.<br>She looked at me with both sympathy and anger. "Just…be careful with him, okay? You know he's not feeling good-"  
>"So we're all just going to walk around like we're on glass until Carlisle can act like an adult and learn to deal with things?" I snapped. "It's not exactly easy for the rest of us either."<br>"I know that, but you can't yell at him over things which he can't control," she reasoned calmly. "And we have no idea what he's going to do now he's upset. Granted it is Carlisle, and he probably won't do anything too stupid, but we still don't know so don't push your luck."  
>I glared at her, not ready to control my temper yet.<br>She smiled. "I wouldn't go near Garrett or Alistair yet either; they're not very happy with you, as you can imagine."  
>I rolled my eyes and walked off; the fact that she was so calm irritated me beyond belief and I was still too wound up to feel bad for yelling at my husband. I went and lay on our bed, counting the dots on the ceiling.<p>

After a while my thoughts drifted back to Carlisle. _"You shouldn't have yelled at him like that,_" I scolded myself angrily. "_He didn't deserve that."_  
>Guilty I made my way back downstairs, praying like anything he would be with the others.<br>"Do you know where Carlisle is?" I asked quietly.  
>Everyone turned to stare at me. Alistair quickly turned away again, almost like he couldn't bear to look at me. I waited for Garrett to do the same but he just shook his head apologetically in answer to my question.<br>"We thought he was with you," Alistair snapped.  
>"Be nice," Garrett hissed, pushing him lightly.<br>"I'm not going to 'be nice' to someone who-" he raised his voice but Kate's husband interrupted him.  
>"Alistair, just…calm down-"<br>"I will not calm down! She just attacked my best friend- her own husband because he didn't want to do something!" He was standing now. He spun around to look at me. "Do you know why he didn't want to, Esme? Because he's terrified! He doesn't want to do it because he's goddamn scared, and yelling at him only makes it worse!" He stormed off, slamming a door behind him.  
>"S-scared of what?" I asked quietly, biting back sobs as my vision became hot with tears I couldn't cry.<br>"…Your reaction, mostly," Garrett mumbled. He was standing now too and I expected him to run.  
>"Of…me?" I choked out. <em>I had scared him? My Carlisle was afraid of me? He didn't trust me anymore?" <em>  
>"Of your reaction," he corrected carefully.<br>That was just as bad; that he expected me to react badly. That would be why he wouldn't tell me anything. He really didn't trust me, did he.  
>Once one sob escaped me it was all over; I couldn't stop crying. I cried until I felt like I was going to be sick.<br>"He'll be back, Esme, it's okay," Garrett tried to assure me.  
>"And if he's not, it'll be your fault," Alistair grumbled from the top of the stairs.<br>"Stay out of it, Alistair," he snapped at him.  
>They glared at each other.<br>"He's run away before, remember," Kate's husband reminded me.  
>I nodded, quickly holding onto the thin bit of hope. I sat with them for a while longer until I couldn't stand it anymore and went back to bed, unable to hold it together anymore. I lay down and curled up, hugging my knees and sobbing uncontrollably. Alistair was right. If something happens to him it will be my fault.<br>I wasn't sure how long had passed before my throat started to get sore and I was so exhausted I didn't have any strength to cry. I just lay there, staring blankly at the wall in the dark. Every once and a while a sob would escape that I didn't know was coming.  
>I longed for Carlisle to just walk in there door, completely unscathed. I didn't care if he was mad at me, even if he wasn't I would still apologise.<br>"I'm so sorry, Carlisle," I whispered into the darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

"Before you say anything, I just need you to listen to me-"  
>"Carlisle!" I squealed, cutting him off and rushing over to hug him<br>He sort of shrunk back at my outburst, the look on his face telling me he thought he was in trouble. "Look, I know you're pissed and you have every right to be-"  
>"But-"<br>This time he interrupted me. "I'm either saying this now or I'm jumping out that window again and hiding for the next ten years because that's apparently what I do when I'm scared." He shoved his hands in his pockets, nervous, and I could see he was mad at himself.  
>I nodded and closed my mouth, suddenly worried about what he might be about to tell me. The thought of divorce crossed my mind and brought tears to my eyes but I squashed it down.<em> He wouldn't really do that, would he? <em>I thought to myself.  
>He shifted anxiously, taking a step back. "I know you're mad at me and I deserve that. I've been acting like a complete and total asshole even though you're trying to help me and I'm sorry. I need to grow up and act like a normal human being, not a child. I know it isn't exactly easy for the rest of you either and I'm sorry for making it even harder. I'm going to…I'm starting work at the hospital on Monday a-and if you think it's the right thing to do then I'll go see the psychologist as well. And you're right; I can't run away from things any more so that stops now. No more running away…Esme, being married to you is the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. I don't know why I keep screwing it up and I'm sorry for that too. You deserve better…I-I don't deserve it but I-if for some reason you can forgive me…" He couldn't finish, dropping his eyes which had been locked on mine the entire time to the floor.<br>I bit back the urge to cry, guilty. "I can't forgive you," I told him.  
>He just nodded, resigned like he was expecting it, before starting to turn away.<br>I grabbed his hand. "I can't forgive you because you did nothing wrong, Carlisle. I shouldn't have yelled at you, that was wrong of me, but you have to understand I wasn't mad at you. I was never mad at you, love. I'm just worried. I want you help you so badly but nothing I do seems to work. I-" I choked on a sob. "I'm so sorry I hurt you but I didn't mean it. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to; that's not fair. I love you-"  
>Suddenly his arms were around me, hugging me fiercely. He murmured something to me but it was distorted by my sobs. After about five minutes he started to release me.<br>"No. Don't let go," I begged him desperately. I slid my arms around him, squeezing him as tightly as I could, almost afraid he might disappear.  
>He kissed the top of my head and I buried my face in his neck.<br>"I missed you," I whimpered.  
>"I wasn't gone very long, love," he chuckled, rubbing my back.<br>"Too long."  
>"I wouldn't abandon you, Esme. Never," he promised.<br>"Don't leave again." In the back of my mind I knew it was an unreasonable request but in the moment I didn't care; I just wanted to be with him.  
>"Okay." He gently pressed his lips against mine but I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down and deepening the kiss.<br>"Bed time?" I asked breathlessly, gasping even though I didn't need to breath. I couldn't keep the giddy smile off my face, hoping he would want to do something other than sleep.  
>He smiled back, his eyes dark but alive, before nodding somewhat desperately.<p>

"Excited?" I asked, straitening the collar of his shirt as he fidgeted. "Or nervous?" He would leave for work on about ten minutes.  
>"A bit of both, I think," he chuckled, sliding his fingers though mine and kissing the back of my hand.<br>"I'm sure they will all be nice people. You'll have fun."  
>He nodded, smiling slightly. "I hope so. I don't think they'll bite much."<br>I rolled my eyes at his choice of words, trying not to laugh. "You'll be fine. I'm proud of you." I kissed him lightly.  
>He returned it before glancing at the clock over my shoulder. "I have to go."<br>I nodded but didn't release his hand.  
>Sliding his arms around my waist, he hugged me gently. "See you later, okay?"<br>Again I nodded but didn't let go. I couldn't. I couldn't let him go. "Are you sure you're ready to do this? You don't want to wait another few days?" I desperately hoped he would suddenly change his mind.  
>"I'm sure," he told me steadily, smiling again.<br>"Okay." I tried to force my arms to unlock.  
>"You have to let go," he laughed, teasing me.<br>I tried to smile but my eyes felt hot, stinging with tears. The thought of spending my day without Carlisle seemed unbelievably awful. Pointless. Empty. Even if it was only for a few hours. I _needed_ him. It had been almost a year since we were apart for whole days like this.  
><em>Don't be stupid, Esme<em>," I scolded myself. _It's not that long._  
>The happy expression slid from his face and he tightened his grip on me. "It's okay, love. I'll be back at seven."<br>I just nodded, not being able to speak safely, scared that a plea for him to stay might slid from my lips.  
>He rubbed circles into my back. "Do you want me to stay here with you? I can call them, if you like."<br>"N-no," I mumbled, my thoughts screaming at me to say the opposite. "Go. It'll be good for you." My voice shook.  
>He looked unconvinced but nodded anyway. "I love you."<br>"…love you too," I squeaked, swallowing hard. I squeezed my eyes shut as he brushed my hair off my face and kissed my forehead, disappearing out the door seconds afterwards. I stood staring at where he had gone.  
>"Aww, are you missing him already?" somebody teased from behind me.<br>I spun around to glare at Garrett. Thankfully I hadn't cried.  
>He smirked back, leaning against the bench.<br>"Shut up," I snapped at him, feeling vulnerable.  
>"Don't worry, Esme. I'd be a mess if Kate tried to go anywhere for more than a few minutes." He came over and hugged my shoulders.<br>I leant against him but it still wasn't the same as hugging Carlisle.  
>"Besides," he let me go. "Now you actually have to talk to people other than your husband."<br>"You be quiet, nomad," I laughed. "Were you not the one who spent years walking around by himself without talking to _anyone_?" I teased him back, feeling a little better.  
>He raised his chin defiantly, trying not to smile. "That's different."<br>"How?" I challenged.  
>He rolled his eyes and pulled me into the longue after him, sitting on the couch and cuddling into Kate while I stood there awkwardly.<p>

I paced the floor, glancing at the clock every few seconds. Every time one of the others walked past with their mate I was hit with a stab of jealousy.  
><em>This is completely ridiculous<em>, I scolded myself. Everyone else on the face of the earth dealt with their other half away for a day – not even for a whole day. Away for eight hours. _He's going to be away five days a week so you're going to have to get over it, Esme…Great, now I'm talking to myself. _  
>Desperate for something to do, I cleaned every inch of the house. By the time I was done it was still only lunch time.<br>I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, contemplating what else I could entertain myself with.  
>"Esme do you want to come to the supermarket? We're going to get food for Renesmee," Kate asked, looking amused as she came up behind me.<br>I shot Garrett a dirty look, pretty certain he must have said something. "Why are you guys going instead of Bella?" I asked, mostly just buying myself time while I calculated how close it was to the hospital. Maybe I could go and see him- No. No, I won't barge in.  
>"<em>We're<em> not. I'm going. Garrett is staying here," she said firmly, looking at her husband. "And because I thought I'd give Bella a break."  
>"I think I'll stay here," I told her slowly. It was too close. Carlisle didn't need me ripping some nurse's head off on his first day just because she got too close to him.<br>Garrett opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off.  
>"And you're still staying here," She told him, disappearing back down the stairs.<br>He went the other way and I went back into our room, flopping onto the bed.

As I lay there staring at the ceiling, there was a quiet knock on the door.  
>"What?" I asked, not bothering with being polite.<br>"Okay, look." Alistair closed it behind him, leaning against it.  
>I watched him curiously, wondering if he was still mad at me.<br>"I'm sorry I said that to you. I was just anxious about what he might do in that state of mind and-"  
>"Carlisle is making you apologise, isn't he?" I guessed.<br>"Yes, but I am actually sorry…"  
>I couldn't help myself and burst out laughing. "God, I love him." I spoke mostly to myself but Alistair smiled and I knew I was about to be mocked. "Don't even say it."<br>"I'm not saying anything," he smirked. "But was that Carlisle's car I heard pull up it the driveway just now?" He spoke to me as if I was a little kid but I didn't car.  
>I jumped up off the bed and made for the door. "If this is a joke, I'm going to kill you," I threatened.<br>His laughter reminded me to walk, not run as I had been.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: So um, I'm screwing this story and rewriting it completely differently because I really (really) don't like it. I've put the first chapter of the new version up now, and I'll eventually delete this one when its finished, but thank you to everyone who read this far along :D**


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